#i specify 2015 not only because this is when this fic takes place but also because the same model in 2024 is now $450 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

undertale-data · 3 years ago

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[Image Description: An Undertale chat box that has “WHY FANS LOVE UNDERTALE” at its center. Next to it are a line chart and an Egg from the Dating Hub on its left, and a CRIME measurer (also from the Dating Hub) on its right. End I.D.]

[Image Description: a pie chart titled, “LEVEL OF LOVE FOR UNDERTALE.” The textbox on the top right reads, “On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the least and 10 being the highest, how much do fans enjoy Undertale?” From the top going clockwise, 12 or 0% chose 5 and below; 23 or 1% chose 6; 98, or 4%, chose 7; 325, or 12%, chose 8; 529, or 20%, chose 9; and 1664, or 63%, chose 10. End I.D.]

It’s clear from all of the data analyzed so far that fans who took the time to answer our survey love Undertale. It is unlikely that they would have taken the time to answer so many questions if they had not, and even less likely that they would have come across our survey in the first place. Naturally, it comes as no surprise that 63% of our responders gave their love for Undertale a score of ten out of ten. 95% gave their love for Undertale a score of eight or higher, and only 12 responders responded with five or below, a number so small that their responses had to be lumped together to be visible on the pie chart. Of those, only 3 responders gave their love for Undertale a score of 1, and based on those responders’ other answers, it is likely that they were only intending to troll. We are very fortunate that the vast majority of responders took the survey seriously, enough so that responses like this are barely a blip in the data.

Now, for our final analysis post of the event, we will delve into the reasons that fans love Undertale so dearly.

(Essay and highlights under the cut.)

There have been countless essays on the impact that Undertale has had on people’s lives. I can hardly add more on the subject than what has already been said, but I hope this summary can provide a brief overview of what stood out among the over two thousand answers given in response to this survey. That said, due to the sheer volume of answers, I could not read every single one in depth—however, I did skim all of them, and some that stood out or were representative of several responses have been highlighted below. If you would like to see what every fan who consented to share their response had to say, you may view the full list of responses here. Note that these responses have not been edited in any way. This document may take a long time to load, as it is over 100 pages long.

(Warnings for mentions of suicidal thoughts in the following essay.)

Several responders loved the theme of choices mattering in Undertale. Whether people played the pacifist, merciless, or neutral routes, they enjoyed how the game reacted to their actions. For some, it even made them consider their own morality. One touching response explained the impact that the theme of mercy made on them. “I realized that Mercy isn't something that's given to those who deserve it. Flowey didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it myself. Shoot, we ALL need Mercy in our lives.” Many fans left similar comments about how the themes of Undertale made them better people.

Undertale changed how its fans treat others, and it also changed how fans treat themselves. The theme of staying determined and the messages of hope in the game were a light to a very large portion of fans. I cannot list all of the fans who said that Undertale helped them out of a dark place, or that they would not be alive if not for Undertale. “DETERMINATION became a metaphor for not killing myself at a really rough time in my life and I’ll always cherish that. Undertale isn’t afraid to go to really dark places but at the same time holds on so tight to its hope.”

Undertale brought fans together in unexpected ways. Some said they met friends or significant others through the fandom. “I wouldn't have met my now husband without Undertale,” one fan said. A different fan who is non-native English speaking mentioned that the game and the fan community helped them to learn English.

It would be impossible to discuss Undertale without mentioning the fan community. Whether for good or bad, many responders mentioned the fandom in their responses. Overall the feelings towards the fandom seem positive, though many made references to “toxic” parts of the fandom without specifying which parts they consider toxic. Others rejected the idea of toxicity in fandom. One response said: “[SLAMS FIST ON DESK] I KNOW MOST PEOPLE SAY THE FANDOM IS TOXIC AND CRINGE OR WHATEVER BUT OH MY GOD. The Undertale fandom, both the UTMV and the actual UT fandom, has been so much fun to be a part of. I've met countless friends because of our shared interest in something related to the game! The art people create can be breathtaking and so inspirational, and the fanfics are so so good!! I've seen people write incredible things for this fandom and it's what made me continue writing!”

One thing that makes the Undertale fandom unique is the way it embraces various AUs. Some fans are tired of AU content, but the majority of responses show a love for the creativity behind AUs. “Roll your eyes at the 50th AU Sans all you want, it's encouraging people to step outside the boundaries of fanart and pushing people to make their own ideas! I mean, hell, it was how I gained the confidence to start making my own original content.” The lack of a judgemental atmosphere seems present in the AU community, according to the responses we saw. There is an interesting balance between AU and canon (sometimes referred to as “classic”) content that another responder pointed out: “The fandom helped keep the game alive all these years, with all of its AUs. Although personally, I always enjoyed AUs that kept characters as close to the classic material as possible (dancetale, outertale) I do appreciate the creativity of the fandom. They almost created entirely new stories with new characters of their own! If it weren't for those people, the Undertale fandom would have probably not been as active as it is now. I do feel like we're getting a resurgence of classic content now too! (In 2021)”

Regardless of the many AUs the fandom has created over the years, the original game of Undertale still feels like home for many fans. They wished they could reclaim the feeling of playing the game again for the first time, but even though we can’t reset time in real life, there is still a special feeling for fans each time they play Undertale. One fan said, “Even the best fics I've read can't capture that feeling of nostalgia/almost-"coming home" that comes with hearing the music and talking to the characters.” This feeling is one that can be cherished time and time again. In the words of another responder: “It always feels welcoming like home or like comfort food that I never grow tired of no matter how many times I go to it.” Others pointed out the strength of the found family trope in Undertale, which likely contributes to this feeling of “home” as well.

As mentioned briefly earlier, the music is part of what makes Undertale feel like home for fans. Even when responses focused on other aspects of the game, many would throw in a comment about the soundtrack at the end. One comment focused on the music said “IT'S SO GOOD like I will literally go through the entire thing over and over and not be bored with it. It makes my monkey brain so happy you have no idea.” Like with the game itself, the music has incredible replay value, an amazing feat considering most of the tracks use the same few motifs. “I think what I like the most about Undertale is how the music attaches you to the story,” another responder said. “They're simple melodies that stick with you throughout the whole game, and they can remind you of both good and bad times.”

If the music sticks with fans in their hearts, then the game’s lore sticks with fans in their minds. Even six years after the release of Undertale, fans are still creating new theories and digging up new secrets. The way the game breaks the fourth wall in particular intrigued many fans and has stuck out through all these years. The awareness that the game shows for the RPG genre makes it memorable. The game plays with the player’s expectations and turns them on their heads, all while reminding the player that they’re in a game. There are few other games that do this on such a large scale, so it’s no surprise that fans cite this as one of their favorite things about Undertale.

Lastly, the LGBT+ representation in Undertale has been a huge draw for fans. Especially in 2015, the sheer volume of non-cishet characters was unprecedented, as one fan pointed out: “It's practically unheard of to see so MANY from just one source, especially during its heyday in 2015-16. Hell, you can't even GET the true pacifist ending without helping two gay couples hook up. It's really nice to see all of them being accepted for who they are and not judged for their sexuality or gender, at least in-canon.” The LGBT+ cast including Frisk, Chara, Napstablook, Monster Kid, Mettaton, Alphys, and Undyne each connected with fans in unique ways. It’s clear how important this is from responses such as: “There are canon nonbinary characters 🥺. i have never seen representation of myself before.” “It made me gay and trans so thanks for that.”

Once again I am overwhelmed with just how much there is to say about Undertale. One responder really understood when they compared Undertale to an iceberg, explaining that there are so many layers to the game that there is something for everyone: “everyone can find something to enjoy in the lore/game regardless of what kind of fan they are! Being able to appeal to various types of fans—from simple happy shipper people to deep dive lorediggers—is the mark of the coolest games!” I would have to agree with them.

It’s been six years, and despite everything, it’s still you. Thank you for reading, participating in this survey, and above all, staying determined.

Highlights:

DETERMINATION became a metaphor for not killing myself at a really rough time in my life and I’ll always cherish that. Undertale isn’t afraid to go to really dark places but at the same time holds on so tight to its hope.

I think the coolest thing was having the opportunity to watch the AU community grow from its bare roots. It's nearly insane how big and complex it's gotten, unlike anything I'd ever seen before. Roll your eyes at the 50th AU Sans all you want, it's encouraging people to step outside the boundaries of fanart and pushing people to make their own ideas! I mean, hell, it was how I gained the confidence to start making my own original content.

i love how the lgbt rep is so naturalized... there are just gay people! and its nobodys business!

The music is my go to answer, but what I really really REALLY love is how the minor characters have so much personality to them when you talk to them. They aren't incredibly important to the overall story, but they're all so likeable and diverse that you just can't help but like them immediately!

I think it was the first videogame I have played that broke the fourth wall that much. Of course there has been other videogames that broke it but just for one or two tongue-in-cheek jokes. The guilt of killing mama goat was also something intense as well that I appreciated as an experience and that I didn't think a videogame could cause on someone.

I love how no character can be seen as completely bad! Everyone builds up Asgore as some horrible villain, but he turns out to be a 'fuzzy pushover' who's broken and just wants his family back by the time you meet him. Then you think Flowey's an irredeemable killer who engineered the suffering of the monsters across many timelines, and he is... but he also used to be the kind and beloved Prince Asriel Dreemurr, traumatized by his death and subsequent rebirth, projecting his best friend onto you.

The fact that choices matter in the game. Your first playthrough and getting the golden ending for the first time. I can never replicate those feelings again, wish I could erase my memories and replay the game from the start.

I wouldn't have met my now husband without Undertale.

(Toxic parts of the fandom aside) The community is possibly one of the kindest I've ever met. Cringe culture is completely dead, and I feel like I can be myself. I felt a very close connection to many of the characters, and I loved consuming content about them when I was in a rough patch in my life.

just everything, the whole game has just impacted my life so much. i know it sounds really lame, but when the game first came out, i would purposely put my hands in my pockets and sway slightly, like sans' idle animation. of course i dont do that anymore haha, but undertale still really impacts me to this day, and i wouldnt have it any other way :)

it made me gay and trans so thanks for that

I realized that Mercy isn't something that's given to those who deserve it. Flowey didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it myself. Shoot, we ALL need Mercy in our lives.

The thing I love most about Undertale is no matter how many times I play or watch a playthrough it always makes me genuinely happy. It always feels welcoming like home or like comfort food that I never grow tired of no matter how many times I go to it. Toriel still makes me feel all warm and cozy in her home, the Skelebros always make me laugh, and I still cry on the inside watching Frisk comforting Asriel. And on the flip side the No Mercy run still invokes the negative emotions in me as well. In short Undertale just feels like a second home to me and I always wish I could stay.

The reader inserts are my favorite way to decompress after a hard day

I think Undertale helped me discover my love for 8-bit games, and made me realize how IMPORTANT music is in video games.

the worldbuilding and character design are my favorite parts of the main game apart from the music! I’m also a huge fan of the random AU music- not for like underswap or underfell i like the stuff where someone makes a megalovania for a random au where gru from despicable me replaces sans as the character. i think its funny

Just... the vibe, honestly? Even the best fics I've read can't capture that feeling of nostalgia/almost-"coming home" that comes with hearing the music and talking to the characters.

there are canon nonbinary characters 🥺. i have never seen representation of myself before.

[SLAMS FIST ON DESK] I KNOW MOST PEOPLE SAY THE FANDOM IS TOXIC AND CRINGE OR WHATEVER BUT OH MY GOD. The Undertale fandom, both the UTMV and the actual UT fandom, has been so much fun to be a part of. I've met countless friends because of our shared interest in something related to the game! The art people create can be breathtaking and so inspirational, and the fanfics are so so good!! I've seen people write incredible things for this fandom and it's what made me continue writing!

There's a scene where Frisk (the player) is going towards what is presumably going to be their death. They will fight Asgore and he will use their human soul to break the barrier and free his people. The music, despite the player's impending doom, is... triumphant. You are not the triumphant one here, and yet, the score invites you to experience the monsters' joy and happiness as they tell you the tale of their subjugation. The monsters are going to be free. This is their victory, but they don't hate you or want you to die. They're just... happy. That scene has always struck me very deeply. I feel it represents the best parts of Undertale.

I loved how well thought out the Geno route was. It really made me feel like I was doing something horrible, and the characters were very obviously reacting to dire circumstances.

I dunno? I like Undertale for it's characters, story, music, secrets and many more. I am not good with Headcanons but I also like the neutral endings and how different they can depending on who you spare and kill

I was very bad at english before, i thought i couldn't progress because i was very shy and not confident. But my sibling and i wanted to have the best experience with this game so we wanted to play it in english. It's this game and the fandom which helped me to make huge progress in english !

THE SOUNDTRACK. IT'S SO GOOD like I will literally go through the entire thing over and over and not be bored with it. It makes my monkey brain so happy you have no idea.

to avoid writing an essay i will say one word. Mettaton

It is like Toby specifically made the games to fit the iceberg meme and it's awesome, everyone can find something to enjoy in the lore/game regardless of what kind of fan they are! Being able to appeal to various types of fans - from simple happy shipper people to deep dive lorediggers is the mark of the coolest games!

I love almost everything about Undertale as a game on its own. The music, the art and especially the characters and how they interact. They made me feel at home. Undertale means a huge amount to me. (I even got a tattoo of the castle when you and MK walk together!) The fandom helped keep the game alive all these years, with all of its AUs. Although personally, I always enjoyed AUs that kept characters as close to the classic material as possible (dancetale, outertale) I do appreciate the creativity of the fandom. They almost created entirely new stories with new characters of their own! If it weren't for those people, the Undertake fandom would have probably not been as active as it is now. I do feel like we're getting a resurgence of classic content now too! (In 2021)

the mystery. toby fox refused to give answers to anything and i think thats very sexy of him.

I just feel guilty for liking it so much when I'm in my 30's. But I recently got diagnosed with ASD, so I guess it explains things a bit. Many ppl consider Papyrus to be neurodivergent, and some adult fans are too, so seeing that makes me feel a bit better.

i think about "Despite everything, it's still you" everyday of my life.

I like how it's just as funny as it can be serious. All routes are this way. I laughed as much as I cried when I played the Pacifist route and then once I opened the game again and Flowey was telling me to let them be happy, I immediately turned off the game. I somehow felt bad.

The Found Family Trope

The True Pacifist Ending is just...man. And the fanworks about saving everyone even when the game doesn't let you? MANNNNNN

I think what I like the most about Undertale is how the music attaches you to the story. They're simple melodies that stick with you throughout the whole game, and they can remind you of both good and bad times.

there's honestly a LOT to love about this game, but i think one of my favorite things about it is just how many lgbt+ characters there are??? i can think of alphys, undyne, frisk, chara, mettaton, napstablook, monster kid, asgore, mad mew mew, the dress lion, the royal guards, and arguably even papyrus off of the top of my head, but im sure i'm forgetting a few from just undertale alone (there's even MORE in deltarune)!! it's practically unheard of to see so MANY from just one source, especially during its heyday in 2015-16. hell, you can't even GET the true pacifist ending without helping two gay couples hook up. it's really nice to see all of them being accepted for who they are and not judged for their sexuality or gender, at least in-canon.

[Image description: A wordcloud in the shape of the capitalized word UNDERTALE. The text is white on a black background, and uses the font found in the game. Some of the most visible words are: Game, Love, Music, Life, AU, Store, Friend, and Feel, which represent the most common words in the essays people wrote about their love for the game. End of ID]

#undertale #analysis #results #undertale fandom census

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theasstour · 6 years ago

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0202. Très calme.

Friday, 25 September 2015

FIC PAGE | CHAPTER SYMPHONY | WORD COUNT: 10.1k

NB: explicit language, mentions of metal disorders

“Fucking finally,” Finn said as he opened the door to the Ensemble II seminar room for Y/N, letting her walk in first. “We’re finally in the same seminar. And on Friday’s as well! Gonna be sick.”

Y/N smiled, sitting down by one of the three round seminar tables in the room, looking around at all the other ones that had already turned up as well. Teresa was late as usual, having overslept and not wanting Y/N to wait for her so she had urged her to leave without her. But there were other people in the seminar besides the three of them, one other person sitting on their table, and three others on another one, and a single loner on the third. The walls a modern white, the huge tables matching, that way the students wouldn’t be distracted by bright colours, and would rather focus on the blackboard at the front of the class. Y/N let her eyes glide over the blackboard, the remains of old music notes still scribbled on the green surface, not properly washed away. Studying the people in her new seminar group, Y/N quickly recognised one of the faces.

She leaned closer to Finn, mumbling lowly. “Is that Blessing?” Y/N looked over at the other table discreetly and Finn frowned a little at her before quickly looking over his shoulder.

“Bloody hell,” he said, clicking his pen. “She looks a bit out of place, doesn’t she?”

“Had completely forgotten she did Music as well.” Y/N admitted, getting her laptop out of her rucksack.

“Don’t really keep tabs on who studies what anymore. I know what my mates do and that’s all I need, to be fair.”

Y/N rolled her eyes playfully, making Finn chuckle.

“Fine then.” Finn said, watching as Y/N started up her laptop. “Forgot to ask you Tuesday when we met after Ways of Hearing II,” he began, leaning his elbows on the table and glancing at Y/N, eyes comforting. “How are you after Sunday?”

Y/N frowned a little, trying to act as if she hadn’t a clue what Finn was on about. “What do you mean?”

“After Harry and Becky.” Finn specified, face scrunching up. “Can only assume it wasn’t the easiest thing to watch.”

Y/N looked away from Finn, typing in the password on her laptop before answering. “There was nothing to watch. Don’t know what you’re trying-“

“-Piss right off if you’re going to sit here and pretend like you don’t know exactly what I’m talking about.” Finn said, eyes narrowed. “Wade and I noticed the way you were looking at them, how upset you were. You and Harry didn’t even talk all night, for fuck’s sake.”

Y/N’s eyes fell to her keyboard as she fell against the back of her chair.

“It’s alright to admit you were upset- that you are upset.” Finn reassured her, voice lower now that he wasn’t aggressively trying to get a point across. “You and Harry were… well, you were something. He was well sad when you didn’t want anything to do with him.”

Y/N shook her head, Finn instantly blinked in confused response. “Don’t.” She whispered; voice breathy. Finn instantly understood that he had overstepped a line, resting an arm on the back of her chair to let her know he meant no harm. “There’s something… something that happened… that happened in Hawkley.”

“What?” Finn asked, not having heard her as she talked in a barely audible whisper.

Y/N closed her eyes, willing the words out even though they almost wouldn’t come. It was like finding out how a square could fit through a hole shaped like a triangle, so Y/N dwarfed the square and forced it through.

“Someone’s lied to me before.” She finally said, feeling her palms grow sweaty. “I don’t- I don’t want it to happen again.”

“Y/N…” Finn said, voice trailing off.

She shook her head again, singling that she didn’t want to talk about it any further. Getting the memo, Finn squeezed Y/N to him for a sideways hug, and the two fell silent, nether of them feeling like talking after that. It was clear that the presence of Blessing, one of Becky’s friends, had caused this conversation; Becky, a person that had been nothing but malicious the whole time Y/N had known her. And all the while, Y/N had also imagined all of the members of Becky’s group to fit that stereotype as well; a popular and crude bitch with bad intentions. But as Y/N looked over her shoulder at where Blessing was sitting, she realised she was there all by herself. No one around her seemed to even know who she was. Y/N realised she had been wrong to tar Blessing with the same brush as she did Becky, but it was hard when the only thing she associated Blessing with was Becky. As she sat there, all by herself drawing something into her notebook, she seemed so unlike Becky it startled Y/N a little.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Finn said. “But it’s obviously something that’s been dragging both you and Harry down all summer.”

Y/N nodded, looking from Finn and to her dark laptop screen.

“All summer meaning five months.”

“I know how many months it’s been.”

“I’m just trying to make you realise how much you two need to talk about.” Finn’s voice was careful, as if he knew he was threading on dangerous territory, but he needed to say this or else he might actually explode. “Because he won’t take the first step when you told him to back off, you know that. He respects your decision way more than I think you know.”

Y/N kept quiet, letting Finn’s words ring inside her head till she knew they were true. The lecturer - Mr Goddard this time again - walked into the seminar room not long after, Teresa following right in his heels and plopping down next to Y/N still heaving from running.

The seminar rushed by as there was quite literally nothing to do except for introduce the new module they were all taking this year and what was to come. Goddard informed them of the exam in December, how they would perform as a group this time as the group was bigger this year and he wanted to hear everyone play together. Finn, Teresa, and Y/N instantly scared glances between them, already having established they would form a group for the exam. It was good to have both Teresa and Finn this time around, as Finn would be constantly talking when he could and Teresa would chime in with the occasional retort, while Y/N would jump in whenever she felt like it. It was very relaxing, and Y/N knew she would like her time in Ensemble II very much.

As the three hours were up, everyone packed their things together and walked out into the hallway of the Antonin Artaud Building, the similar sounds of an instrument being played somewhere, laughter, and people running to catch their seminar or the bus. When they reached the big, open foyer, Y/N was almost anticipating seeing Harry. Almost expected him to say his usual raspy “Darling” and beam at her once she turned around and their eyes met. Almost waited for him to wait for her. But he wasn’t there.

Y/N excused herself, telling her two mates she was off to the library to loan a book she would need for an essay due in two weeks. The lot parted ways and Y/N strolled toward the library, trying to forget all about the charming Mancunian she had gotten so used to over her first year at Battersea. She opened the doors into the library, walking straight for the music section and to the shelf she knew the book was on. Getting her phone out, Y/N memorised the number of the book, sliding her finger across the spines as she looked for the correct letters and numbers that would lead her to the exact copy she wanted to loan. Slowly she walked along the books, squinting to focus extra hard. Looking up and down at the hundreds of books she was passing, trying to register all of them all at once. It was quiet in the library, smelling of a mix of old books rarely opened and new books which had recently been added to the huge collection at Battersea. Soft tapping of someone writing away on the keyboard sounded off in the distance, and someone whispering from a cubicle further down was barely a disturbance while Y/N hunted.

A bang.

Y/N gasped. A hand coming up to cover her racing heart as she turned around to look at what had caused her to jump. Wide eyed, Y/N looked around her aisle where the bang had come from. No one was there. Looking the other way up the aisle, and no one was there either. About to take a step to the right to get a better look at the aisle and what had happened, Y/N stepped on something. She jumped again, not anticipating an obstacle. A book. That was what had caused the commotion. Leaning down, Y/N picked it up and quickly found the exact spot it had fallen from. It was on the same shelf she had been dragging her finger along. Weird coincidence, Y/N thought, smiling a bit to herself. Pushing some of the books aside to fit the fallen one between then, Y/N stopped. In the tiny slit between the two books Y/N could just make out an eye. On the other side of the aisle stood another person looking straight at her. The book on their side that stood in the exact same spot as the one she was holding, was gone. She couldn’t make out an eye colour. Couldn’t make out the gender. Couldn’t see anything. She just saw the white of their eye. And then they slammed the book back into place and took off.

Standing there dumfounded, Y/N blinked a few times, absolutely in shock at what had just happened. A thousand thoughts raced through her mind, none of them coherent, and she felt a little dizzy all of a sudden. Footsteps led away from her on the other side of the bookshelf. The person was getting away. Y/N would never know who this person was unless she ran now. But she just stood here. Unable to do anything. Unable to move. Unable to be. She blinked. Inhaled. Blinked. Exhaled. Until the footsteps couldn’t be heard anymore. Until she was seriously all alone. Only then did she put the book back in place.

It felt weird looking for the book for her essay now, after what had just happened. Felt weird going on living after that bizarre meeting. Nothing like this had ever happened to her before, and she had no idea what she should have done. In retrospect, Y/N knew she should have put the book back just as fast as that person and followed them. Asked them if they were the reason she felt unsafe and weird being in the library. But though Y/N had a huge heart for winning and being right, she did not like confrontation. Asking someone straight out what they wanted with her or telling them why they bothered her wasn’t something Y/N thought she could ever do. Standing around and doing nothing was her forte.

On autopilot, Y/N found the book she was looking for and went to loan it. The way back to Alfriston Road - through Clapham Common where the trees and grass were green, and people laid on their picnic blankets soaking up the last sun autumn had to offer – Y/N couldn’t focus on anything but what had just happened. Her heart was still beating too fast and her mind was everywhere. To calm down, she sat down on the memorial bench of someone named Leigh, and took her phone out of her rucksack. Without thinking too much, Y/N started typing away and hit send before she could think.

Y/N Hi. Do you have time to talk sometime soon? Feel like we might need to.

Closing her phone and resting it between her hands in her lap, Y/N sat back on the bench and looked around. Clapham Common seemed oddly peaceful for it being rush hour on a Friday afternoon. A man walked past her in a hurry, someone further away played some radio hits on their speaker, and some kids ran away on the big lawn right ahead of her. The tree overhead blew in the wind, as did her hair, the familiar sound of leaves moving against one another to create natures music and some even falling to the ground as the effect of autumn really starting to have its effect now. The sun shone down through the trees, ray of beams flickering against Y/N’s trouser-covered thighs and the bench she was sitting on. The bench felt old, like it had been sat on by a lot of people over many years, the tree not as fine and would undoubtably hand out splinters if it felt like it. Letting her hand slide over the surface, she could almost feel all the different layers, dents, and bumps the bench harboured, the rough life it’d had so far and what was to come. Y/N tried to focus on all of these things instead of thinking about how long it was taking Harry to answer her text. He wasn’t usually this bad, he’d always get back to her right away, sometimes even double text. As she sat there waiting, 10 minutes passing by, then 20, then 30, all she could think about was how she had gotten so painfully used to Harry always being there. And now that he wasn’t, she wasn’t sure how to properly behave.

Her phone suddenly vibrated. She sat bolt upright.

Harry Hi. Yes, we do. When’s best for you?

Y/N tried to breathe slowly, telling herself to calm down, it was just Harry. It was just Harry. But… it was also… Harry; Harry, whom she had missed more than she thought she’d ever miss anyone, whom had made her feel special and seen and important whenever they were together and even when they weren’t, whom she wanted and needed and longed for. Slowly, Y/N took a breath and started typing out a message.

Y/N Performing tonight at The Magic Garden, Battersea. Could come when set is done?

Harry Wicked. 21:30?

He remembered?, Y/N thought to herself, blinking a few times to ensure this text was real. He remembered when her sets usually ended. She had only told him once right before the first performance at The Junction. And he had remembered.

Y/N Yea.

Harry See you then.

She closed her eyes, feeling her shoulders slump for a single second now that she had done what she had wanted to do for months, but rise right back up again as she realised she’d have to meet and confront Harry tonight. As dangerous as this all was, Y/N knew she needed to do this. Knew that this was what should have been done all along. Harry had been a knobhead for not trying to reach out all summer, and she had been a plonker for thinking that pushing Harry away was a good idea. Everything had happened so fast at The Junction. Everything with Harry’s dad, what Y/N had overheard, and the way the whole situation had been handled. If she had known what she knew now, Y/N wouldn’t have reacted the way she had. Wouldn’t have made the mistakes she made because in the long run it had only hurt everyone around her. Most of all her and Harry.

So, she got up off the bench, and started making her way back to her house. The spire to St Barnabas Church rose above the top of the trees lining the outside of Clapham Common, the sun shining on the grey stone building as the afternoon started turning to evening. Y/N realised that she had to leave for The Magic Garden in not too long, so getting home to make a quick dinner and relax some before her and Teresa had to head for the tube. But first, she took a slight stroll through the park, taking her time to blow off some steam after all of today’s events, both those that had already occurred and those that were to come.

It would be a long Friday, Y/N thought when she reached the rim of the park, her street visible in the distance. It would be a long Friday, Y/N thought, but it was a long awaited one.

Y/N brought her violin up to her shoulder, placing her chin on the rest, and taking a look at the music stand behind Teresa. The two girls shared a look, Teresa counting down from three, and Y/N started playing Blackbird by The Beatles. Teresa tapped her boot against the stage floor, creating a rhythm for both of them to follow, and also to match the patting from the original. With her eyes closed, Y/N followed Teresa’s voice and tapping.

Before going to The Magic Garden, Y/N had talked with Finn on the phone. She was getting dressed, putting on her black checked slim leg trousers, lined with white, blue and mustard yellow. A button up black baggy cardigan, tucking it into her trousers, and throwing it over her shoulders a bit so her cleavage wouldn’t be on show. The tucked in cardigan hung down on her sides, only showing off the beige button at the hem of trousers. With high-heeled black boots, hair loose, slight layer of make-up, and a gold-plated pendant necklace, Y/N was ready to play some violin. All the while she was getting ready, Finn was moaning over the phone about a party he had been invited to on his way home. Mumbling away about how he couldn’t go because he had already promised Y/N he would watch her perform at The Magic Garden. After 10 minutes of listening to Finn complaining, Y/N gave in and told him it was fine if he’d rather go to the party. She would perform some other time, and he could come watch then.

“A bloody saint, you are.” Finn said, sounding absolutely ecstatic. “Sick, now I can go get ready to look hot.”

“You weren’t going to dress up to look good for my performance then?” Y/N teased, applying her mascara.

“No offence, Y/N,” Finn said, rustling around his closet. “But I never dress to impress with you. Soz, love.”

“Why are you apologising?” Y/N laughed. “We’re mates.”

“Well, I never know what’s gonna make shit hit the fan, do I?!” Finn stressed, making Y/N laugh even more. “Besides,” he huffed. “I never need to consciously look for clothes to absolutely smash it in, because whatever I throw on, I’ll look like a fucking 10.”

Y/N chuckled. “Nice, glad you have loads of confidence in yourself throwing on black jeans and a white tee shirt.”

“Alright, alright, no need bashing my sense of style, yea?!”

And so the conversation had gone, the two talking while they got ready. Y/N relaxed when talking to him, and that’s how she knew she had found a good friend in Finn. Though they quite frankly were the complete opposite of one another, they still fit like friends often did.

Y/N and Teresa finished Blackbird, quickly getting ready for Don’t Worry Baby by The Beach Boys. They shared another glance, Teresa counter from three, and then they started again. Y/N closed her eyes again, focusing on the music and that alone. Once the world was black behind her eyelids, everything seemed a little less scary. With the world in complete darkness, nothing seemed of very big importance anymore. But Y/N knew that if she was to ever do well as a musician, she needed to open her eyes once. If she ever felt like she had forgotten a note or if she ever felt very insecure she had the music sheet before her if she needed, and she needed to learn how to properly use it. Biting her lip, telling her body to stay calm and her heart to not leap out of her chest, Y/N opened her eyes. The music sheet was where she left it. It stood untouched, illuminated, and ready whenever.

Resisting the urge to shut her eyelids again, Y/N read the notes while playing Don’t Worry Baby. Although she already knew the song, it was reassuring to know that if she ever slipped or forgot something, the sheet would be there. Though she was still entranced by the music she was producing, Y/N still heard the door into The Magic Garden open and Teresa halt a little as she sang. Y/N didn’t pay it too much notice, because having her eyes open in the first place was enough for her to pay attention to.

Once the song was done and applause erupted from the room, Teresa turned around abruptly and looked at Y/N with huge eyes. Y/N only frowned at her. Teresa then tried to mouth something at her, but she was awful at mouthing things, so Y/N only looked at her weird until she stopped. Rolling her eyes, Teresa looked out across the room, leaning into the microphone.

“This is our last song this evening.” She said, receiving some sad ‘whoops’ from around the room. “So we’re going to make it a slow one. Thanks for having us Magic Garden.”

Applause once again, some whistles and hoots, making the girls look at one another again. Teresa tried mouthing something again, but Y/N only shook her head. Annoyed, Teresa counted from three, and they started playing Can’t Nobody Love You by The Zombies. Y/N had her eyes on the music sheet again, eyes glued to it the whole time like averting her eyes meant the world would collapse around her. However, in her peripheral vision, Y/N noticed Teresa turning around to look at her an awful lot compared to how she usually stood looking out across their audience.

Y/N then did something she never would’ve done if she hadn’t been curious at nature. If her need to know everything that was going on hadn’t kicked in, the Y/N wouldn’t have done it. But she needed to know what Teresa was doing, and looking at one of her best friends while playing wouldn’t throw her off, surely. Meeting Teresa’s eyes, she gave Y/N a smile before she glance out over the pub again, specifically towards the bar.

“Listen now,” Teresa sang, swaying along to Y/N’s violin. “Sam bought you cake and ice cream, called you cherry pie. Ray Charles called you his sunshine.”

Y/N looked towards the bar. And there her eyes landed on a very familiar face.

“But you’re the apple, the apple of my eye, ooh.”

Harry was staring directly at her, eyelids lowered as if the sound of her violin was bringing him off to lands of dreams and everything heavenly. Mouth parted and leaning his elbows against the bar counter, wearing a checked dark beige jacket with brown, white and red lined, and a glass of water in his hand.

“Can’t nobody love you, like I’m loving you right now. Cause they don’t know how to love you like I do.”

Having opened her eyes in the first place was a huge step for Y/N. Having looked at Teresa was a bigger one. But looking out across the audience and meeting Harry’s eyes? To say it threw her off was an understatement. Teresa was on the last line of the song, Y/N supposed to be playing through it and some notes more once she was finished. But halfway through Teresa’s line, Y/N hit the wrong note, and then the next one followed, and the next one, and the next one, until Y/N just placed her violin by her side. She looked away from Harry and at her sheet, then closed her eyes. Once again Y/N started cursing herself for giving up the second she managed to do something wrong. The moment she hit a wrong note, it was impossible for her to come back and continue on playing through the song. It made her appear weak, like she didn’t know what she was doing, but she was. She knew 100% what she was doing. But her head stopped her. It always did.

Feeling embarrassed and not at all good enough, Y/N stayed with her eyes closed, willing her heart rate to slow down. It was hard to think about anything but what she could have done differently. If she hadn’t been s incredibly curious, she wouldn’t have looked at Teresa, and if she hadn’t looked at Teresa she wouldn’t have glanced out across the audience and found Harry watching her. Though she wanted to find another explanation and blame someone other than herself, it all came down to her going out of her comfort zone and opening her eyes while playing her violin. There were so many things she could have done different. Why had she put more faith in herself than she usually trusted herself to? It felt like Y/N’s entire ribcage would burst wit the pressure of it all.

“Like I do.” Teresa sang, holding her high note for longer than she needed, and Y/N knew it was because she had just messed up. To cover it up a bit, and she appreciated that. She knew it wasn’t to fix whatever Y/N had ruined, but so people wouldn’t notice the violin too much, and rather pay attention to her voice. Once Teresa was done, Y/N opened her eyes, and applause sounded again. The two girls bowed, smiling at each other and the audience. Y/N glanced over at where Harry stood, clapping along with the rest and the tiniest of smiles on his lips. The same exact one he’d given her after she had played for him on her violin for the first time in her dorm room. It seemed like lifetimes ago. Y/N looked away.

They turned around and started packing up their stuff, Y/N placing her violin in its case. Teresa came up beside her, throwing her hoodie on and glancing at Y/N with wide eyes.

“Did you know he was coming?” She mumbled, not wanting anyone but them two to hear the conversation.

Y/N nodded, resisting the urge to look in Harry’s direction and see if he was staying put or walking in her direction. “We’re… I asked him if he wanted to talk things through, so that’s what we’re doing.”

Teresa raised her eyebrows. “You are? You did?”

“I know.” Y/N huffed. “Can’t quite believe it myself, to be honest.”

“So, what are you going to do?” Teresa put her bag on her shoulder, watching as Y/N put on her tan suedette trucker jacket. “Are you going to stay here and talk? Go someplace else? What are you going to be discussing? I need all the details. Everything.”

Y/N smiled a little. “Can’t give you all the details when I know none of the answers, can I?”

Teresa smiled back. “Fine, I’ll let you off, but know that I’m in one of the bean bags at home waiting for all the details, yea?”

Y/N nodded, giving Teresa a hug and a kiss on her cheek before she walked off. Turning back to her violin, she closed her case, hoisting it onto her back before checking the time on her phone. 21:34.

“Y/N.”

Her heart must’ve almost given out at the sound of his voice because her entire body started prickling. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Harry standing there in all his glory, looking up at her with a serious gleam to his face. He was wearing his black turtleneck, a shiny black necklace with a simple shiny square hanging around his clothes throat. The jumper was tucked into his baggy beige cropped jeans – fitted tightly to his waist by a black belt hanging down the front - that he had rolled up to just show the long white socks he was wearing under his black converse. He was so handsome Y/N found it hard to form a response. But just like she had studied him, he studied her as well. Eyes sliding from the tips of her black boots and all the way up to her hair and her eyes. He swallowed thickly, inhaling hugely as she turned completely around to face her.

“Hi.” She said, voice weak and breaking towards the end. She cleared her throat.

“You alright?” He asked, stepping back to allow her to walk down from the small stage.

“Could be better, you?”

“Could be better.” He smiled a little at her, and she smiled back. “What do you-“ He stopped himself, seeming to not know the right words to say. “How do you- What do you want to do?”

Y/N giggled a little, finding his nervousness adorable as he was very clearly anxious as to how he should do this the right way so not to mess everything up again. “Have you eaten yet?”

“I have, but if you want, we could take a bite somewhere.” Harry suggested, speaking faster than he usually did.

Y/N bit her lip, trying not to smile too big at him. He had never acted like this before. “I’ve eaten too, just wanted to make sure you had. We could…” She shrugged, thinking a bit. “Just take a walk?”

Harry put his hands in his jacket pockets. “I’ll walk you home, takes about 30 minutes.”

Y/N nodded. “And if we’re not done talking by then, we’ll just take a stroll through Common.”

“We can do that regardless of having stuff to talk about still or not.” Harry said in that same voice Y/N was so used to, and it sent shivers up her spine. “See how we feel once we get there, yea?”

Y/N nodded again, her hair moving along with each bob, and she saw Harry’s eyes drift there, taking it in. She remembered him saying he loved it when she nodded because her hair would nod along with her. Suddenly, Y/N felt her cheeks heat up. Harry bit his lips together as their eyes met again, and the he walked for the door, making sure Y/N was following behind, holding the door up for her as they reached the darkening London evening outside. The sky was dark, a light blue showing along the rooftops, and orange, pink mingling with it. It wasn’t too cold yet, it was too early in autumn for it to be, but she still tucked her hands into the pockets of her trucker jacket. Harry led the way, Y/N falling into step behind him as they turned left after exiting The Magic Garden, continuing down Alfreda Street. They strolled in silence, the square flat buildings on either side of them shining with the occasional light indicating someone being home. Still not talking yet, they turned left once they reached Strasburg Road. Tall buildings, overflowing bins, and cars were lined up on either side of the pavement, making them feel almost trapped.

“So,” Y/N said after they had already walked ten minutes in complete quiet, only the hum of London, cars, and trains accompanying them. They had reached the little underground by Ravent Street leading to Queenstown Road, the echo of their steps, trains driving past above them, and now, Y/N’s voice, everything they knew. “How was your summer?”

“Good.” Harry answered, nodding his head. “Yea, it was good. Spent most of it in Manchester and visited Finn in Brighton for a week with Wade and Sai. How was yours?”

“Calm, didn’t do much. Helped dad out on the farm quite a lot and spent almost all my time with my little brother.” Y/N explained. “If you were in Brighton for a week you weren’t too far away from Hawkley, actually.”

“Really? How abouts?”

“An hour and a half by car.”

“Would’ve told you we were there if I knew you were that close.” Harry said. “Will remember it for next time.”

“Can’t wait.” Y/N said just as they reached Queenstown Road, walking down to the right. They fell silent again, both not really knowing how to bring all of this up in a minimal awkward manner. But it proved to be impossible, because the quiet droned on and on and on.

“Okay,” Harry said suddenly, making Y/N blink in surprise. “I know why you wanted to talk to me.”

Y/N looked at him. “You do?”

“Well,” Harry glanced back at her, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s about what happened in April, yea?”

“Partly.” Y/N admitted. “I need to get some things off my chest as well.”

“Oh,” Harry seemed a little shocked, staring ahead. “Okay. Wicked. Cool.”

Y/N tried not to smile as the nervous side of him showed again.

“I guess I should start by telling you that my dad is a bit of a nutter.” Harry said, wetting his lips before he continued. “He’s mad rich because he sold his company some years ago, which basically gave him enough money to live as comfortably as he wants for at least three lifetimes. This being said, he hasn’t got loads on his plate anymore. He travels a lot, goes golfing, does whatever the fuck else he finds amusing, and… he spends time with me because I’m the only family he has left.”

Y/N listened intently, wrapping her arms around herself as she continued to listen to him, feeling the straps of her violin case hard against her shoulders.

“My mum died when I was 12.”

Y/N’s head whipped up to look at Harry.

“So, 8 years ago this year.”

Y/N opened her mouth to say she was sorry for his loss, but she knew Harry had gotten enough pity and though he would probably appreciate her condolences, it was also 8 years ago. He had moved on. Somewhat at least.

“She worked as a doctor, mostly staying in Manchester, but she was so good with this specific condition that she was called in loads of places to help. You’ve heard of spina bifida.” Harry said, clearing his throat, and Y/N almost stopped right in her tracks.

“My brother’s got it.”

“Yea?” Harry glanced at Y/N, and then straight ahead again. “Anyway,” Y/N frowned a little at Harry brushing off the fact that they had a little something in slight common. “My dad loved my mum, so much so that he would do right about anything for her. She loved him back, and they were incredibly happy together. I grew up in a very loving home.”

They stopped by a crossing right by a café named Senero Y/N remembered Tiana talking about some days prior. Harry clicked the button and they started waiting for the light to turn green so they could continue their stroll.

“But my dad was a very dedicated man. He loved his company, loved earning a lot of money, and he loved spoiling his family to fucking pieces.”

“Mind if I ask what kind of company your dad owned?”

“Something to do with oil.” Harry explained. “Never knew the details, to be honest, just the slight gist.”

Y/N nodded as the light beeped, indicating it was safe to cross the road. They continued down Cedars Road, Clapham Common just visible in the distance.

“As his company grew big, he started spending more time in his office, at work, and traveling with work more than he was at home with my mum and I. Mum didn’t like that because it meant I would be alone all day every Tuesday when she travelled around helping hospitals around the country. It also meant we rarely saw my dad. They started arguing a lot, and it ended in my dad making the ultimate sacrifice for what would be best for our family, which was to sell his company.”

Y/N looked Harry as he sighed heavily.

“My mum died not long after that and my dad… he took it very hard.” Harry explained. “Started acting strange and obsessing over small things, had to see a therapist once a week. When it was at its worse, he saw her three times a week.”

Y/N frowned, feeling sorry for Harry again.

“It was a very hard period in my life, and he’s still acting weird, hence why he looks into all of my friends’ family and all of their information. He needs to know I’m safe, that nothing will ever happen to me because if anything did it’ll fucking break him.” Harry said, biting his lip. “I’m sorry he did that to you. That he knows your whole name and loads about you. Nothing to do with you, everything to do with him.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, no reason to be. Your dad can’t control his behaviour and you don’t have to be ashamed of it.” She reassured Harry, making him let out a long sigh.

“I’m glad you think of it that way.” He said. “Because…” He trailed off, brows in a furrow.

“What?” Y/N asked, frowning as well.

Harry spent the next minute thinking of how to phrase what he was going to say next, which had Y/N’s anxiety fly off into orbit. She gave him the time he needed, as rushing him would be good for no one. Hooking her thumbs around the straps of her violin case, Y/N let Harry find his words.

“I sometimes came along with mum when she travelled.” Harry explained. “Would help her if she needed help and would tag along if I didn’t have anything better to do that day and I didn’t have school.”

“Sounds like fun.”

“It was.” Harry nodded, opening his mouth and then quickly closing it. He looked at the ground. “One time I came with her when she was going to Oxford.”

Y/N blinked, her steps slowing as she listened more intently.

“And this young boy was brought in along with his sister.”

Her head turned slowly in his direction as they stopped to cross the road again, Harry clicking the button for the light. Clapham Common was on the other side of the road, huge and free of people now that London was left in the complete darkness of the night.

“He was 10, and I remember my mum liking this client a lot. Said he was a charming one.”

Y/N didn’t know what to say.

“She was right, he was very nice. I sat in the corner of her office in a chair, observing everything, and she made me come up to introduce myself to both him and his sister.” The beeping began and the two walked across the street and into Common. “I remember her the lad said ‘Sorry, would’ve sat up’ – because he was lying on the table ready for inspection – ‘but I’m unable to at the moment’. He laughed, my mum as well, and so I did too. His sister, however, wasn’t so amused and said ‘Because that’s so funny’.”

Y/N stopped walking; Harry turned around when he noticed her absence. They looked at each other, Y/N’s mouth hanging open.

“Fast forward to my first night going out at uni. I stood outside the loo waiting for my mate to finish fucking a girl in there, when this girl comes and stands not far from me. She says ‘At least they’re having fun’, and I retort ‘We’re out here waiting for them to blow their load so we can go home. I don’t give a shit of they’re having fun’.” Harry took a step toward Y/N, swallowing thickly. “And she said ‘At least they’re not waiting outside for someone to be done shagging so they can go back to their flat and to bed. Because that’s so fun.’”

Y/N couldn’t believe it.

“It was the way you said it that…” Harry said, voice airy like he was reliving the moment in his head. “Emphasising on ‘so’ and delivering it in a sassy manner that took me off guard… both times.”

Y/N looked around the park, searching for someplace she could sit down and take this all in. “Your- Your mum was Claudia?”

Harry watched as Y/N’s breathing quickened, walking toward her in case she might need a helping hand or feet. “Yes.”

“But her last name was Parr.”

“She never took my dad’s name and he never took hers.” Harry explained. “When they married, I mean.”

“I-“ Y/N swallowed, making a choking noise. “Could we sit down somewhere?”

“Sure- fuck.” Harry said, turning around and stepping on a branch he hadn’t seen there. He reached his hand out to her, looking over his shoulder to see if she was coming and if she was okay to walk. It was clear he had known the news of them having met before would shock Y/N to no end, and he was prepared to make her as comfortable as possible around him. However, still startled, Y/N only stared at his outreached hand, mouth open as tried to breathe calmly. She just stood there. So, Harry felt silly and almost let his hand fall back to his side. But then Y/N took his hand right before it fell against his thigh, and the two of them started walking. A little startled that she had wanted to hold his and at all, Harry looked down at their joined hands before looking up at her walking beside him, blinking rapidly and eyes frantically moving around her face to take her in completely.

They walked along the path sported by huge oak trees on either side, autumn leaves scattered on the ground and on the branches overhead. It was so peaceful there now, without anyone else around and only the cars driving past on the road behind them audible along with their footsteps.

“So,” Y/N started. “Why-“

But she was quickly interrupted as she stepped on a semi-large rock in the middle of the road. She felt something snap in her left ankle just before she fell to the ground. Groaning, Y/N closed her eyes in frustration as she hit the grass, feeling Harry’s hand slip out of hers. Landing on her side, Y/N felt her elbow hurt as it had taken some of the fall, but the rest of her body only ached some. She knew how to angle herself in case she fell. Her dad had thought her all about it ever since she was little and started working on the farm with him.

“Fuck.” Harry said, running to Y/N’s aid. “You alright?”

“All good, just sprained my ankle some.” She explained, looking unfaced and Harry seemed confused. “I’ve done it loads before. My left ankle is very weak because of it.”

She started getting up, and felt both of Harry’s hands on both her upper arms, helping her into a standing position. He checked that the violin was okay, brushed away some of the grass and dry mud on her jacket, and sighed once he was done.

“A weak left ankle.” He said lowly. “Now I know that as well.”

Y/N felt herself smile a little. Such a useless little fact about her that he would remember. She tried to move her ankle around in circles to check how bad the sprain was, but seeing as she was able to move it around in the first place it wasn’t a bad one at all. Taking her first step, she felt all the blood that was pooling into her ankle, and also how sore it was. It would be huge tomorrow if she didn’t get home to put something cold against it to prevent the swelling from getting out of hand. Harry watched as she threaded carefully, arms resting in front of him and ready to catch her if she should fall again. It hurt, of course it did, but she just had to walk normally and slowly and she’d be fine.

“Wanna walk back to out street right away?” Harry asked, ready to get her home so she could rest. It had obviously been a long day.

“Yea. Sorry for cutting everything short. Was kind of looking forward to a stroll in Common.” Y/N admitted.

“Well,” Harry said as they started walking again. “We’re still going to walk through Common to get home. So, technically, we’re doing our stroll.”

Y/N giggled a little and the two started walking again, only now making sure to walk in a pace that allowed Y/N to feel the most comfortable.

“What were you going to ask earlier?” Harry asked, looking at her feet as she walked slash limped.

Y/N thought for some seconds. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Why didn’t you just tell me right away?”

Harry shrugged. “Dunno. Think I might’ve been scared what you would’ve thought of me afterwards. Living with a crazy father, my dead mother used to help your brother with his spina bifida, we met 7 years before uni but you didn’t seem to remember.” Harry shrugged. “Not a good conversation starter, is it?”

“But…” Y/N frowned a little. “It’s still something that ties us; you and I. Your mother and my brother.”

Harry nodded.

“Regardless of it not being a good conversation starter, I think telling me earlier would’ve been easier. I would’ve understood everything with your dad and not overreacted, this summer wouldn’t have happened the way it did, and…” She trailed off, her eyes falling to his lips for a split second before she looked at the road ahead.

Harry tried not to smile.

“Was that why we were around each other so much at the beginning of year 1?” She asked, feeling her heart sink a little at the thought. “Why we started talking in the first place and why you kept on talking to me? Because of your mum?”

Harry sighed, looking ahead as well. “I would be lying if it didn’t intrigue me.”

Y/N bit her lip.

“She liked you and your brother so much, I wanted to know why. I wanted to get to know you.” Harry explained.

“She gave my brother a necklace.”

Harry’s jaw tensed. “She did.”

Y/N shook her head, feeling pathetic. “I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about your mum if you don’t want to.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Harry assured her, biting the inside of his cheek a little. “I… I just…” He stopped talking for a bit to think, and Y/N let him. “Just want you to know that no matter what I’ve done in the past, me intrigued by you because my mum loved you and your brother, I want you to know…” He looked at her again, making sure her eyes were locked in his as he said, “Want you to know it’s not like that anymore. I’m not here because of that. I’m here because of you.”

Y/N only glanced at him, unsure of what to say or what that meant.

“I’m here because no matter how hard I try to tell myself differently, you’re everything and all I think about.” He said. “After this summer I was sure you’d never want to see my face again, and I was ready to try and forget you, but it proved impossible.”

Y/N bit her lip, Harry’s eyes falling to them before he looked up and into her eyes again.

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again;” his pinky deliberately brushed hers as they walked. “You’re everything.”

Y/N glanced ahead then, not able to look at Harry without giving away just how much he had just made her feel. It wasn’t like she had thought about him telling her that in her dorm room almost every single day since it happened in March. No. Not at all. Not like she felt the heat from his hand almost brushing hers as they walked amongst the darkness of the park around them. Not like Harry was all she felt, saw, and thought about always. But she couldn’t tell him that. Couldn’t scare him away when she had almost gotten him back. So, she kept her mouth shut.

They had reached the edge of Clapham Common, the green and autumn coloured park being left behind as they strolled down Alfriston Road. They had been quiet for a while now, neither of them feeling like saying anything, which wasn’t a bad thing. Quiet could capture more than words most of the time; a silent room could hold more feeling than a hundred words put together into the richest poem filled with every degree of love, ever could. And it was in that silence between the two that Harry followed her up the small path to her house; in that same silence where he didn’t say goodbye, but instead waited for her to find her keys and walk inside.

“Harry.” Y/N said, a little shocked Harry hadn’t announced his departure yet.

“You’re in pain.” He said, as if that was enough explanation in itself.

“You really don’t have to come inside and help me. I’m fine.” She said, unlocking the first door and then the second.

“Please, let me help you.” His voice was so soft it felt like a hug.

“It’s fine, really.”

“This is the least I can do for you. Please let me, darling.”

And whenever he called her that, Y/N couldn’t resist him. She let him come inside, watched as he took a look around her ground level that was much different from his, and then she started limping towards the living room and the kitchen. To no one’s surprise, all three of her flatmates sat in the living room watching something on the telly, and when Y/N came through the door not walking properly, Tiana was about to get out of the sofa to help her. Though everyone stopped dead when they saw who followed close behind Y/N, watching her intently to make sure she didn’t faceplant.

“Good evening, ladies.” Harry said, following Y/N into the kitchen.

Y/N knew the different looks her flatmates were sharing now that her and Harry were out of sight; knew that they were turning the volume to the telly up so they could whisper amongst themselves and speculate on what happened on her and Harry’s walk back from The Magic Garden. Y/N was about to open the freezer and get her bag of peas out, but Harry stopped her, giving her a stern glance.

“Y/N,” came from the living room as Y/N sat down by the kitchen table, putting her foot up. She let go of a sigh of relief as she felt her ankle relax some. “Why are you limping?”

“Sprained my ankle.” She explained, watching as Harry looked through her freezer drawer. “There’s a bag of peas from Iceland there somewhere.”

“Aha!” Harry mused, moving stuff out of the way to get to the peas. Y/N bit her bottom lip, following Harry’s every move as he stood there with his back toward her. Even through his checked jacket, you could tell he had broad and muscled shoulders. Shoulders that it would feel good to cling onto, and arms to match, that would protect her from all the terrors the world had to bring. There was something about Harry that could resemble a dream; something heavenly about the way he held himself, looked at her, and made her feel. Something sublime about how his voice flowed from between his luscious lips and meeting her ear drums, creating the most lulling noise she’d ever heard. Something angelic about the way the sun would meet his green eyes and make his irises appear in the colour of gold, and somehow Y/N knew that was their true and rightful colour.

“Here we are.” Harry said, closing the freezer and walking over to Y/N, sitting down on the chair beside her.

Y/N took her sock off, taking a look at her swollen ankle before sitting back in her chair. “Don’t smell my foot.”

Harry started leaning in towards her foot.

“No, stop!”

Harry jokingly leaned in again, and this time Y/N playfully hit him in the arm, making him laugh. “Smells like bloody lavender, what kind of swear do you have?”

“The lavender kind.”

Harry laughed, bringing the bag of peas up and resting it gently at her ankle. Y/N drew in a harsh breath between her teeth, grimacing at the coldness making contact with her very hot ankle. She let herself get used to it, eyes closed until the shock of it all had subsided. Once her eyes were open again, Y/N realised how close her and Harry were sitting. He was leaning against the table on his elbow, the other focused on keeping the peas to Y/N’s ankle, and she was sitting right there next to him, a leg and very heavy air between them. If she leaned in just a tiny bit, Harry would be on the brink of blurriness, his two gorgeous green eyes would turn to four and his lips would be closer to hers. They parted as her eyes fell to them, saliva resting on the inside of them, and though Y/N wouldn’t have liked the sight of wet lips on anyone else, the way they looked on Harry only made her want to lean forward and experience what it tasted like again. It made her want to press her lips against his, and awkwardly move together until they found a rhythm that matched them, that made them deepen the kiss until kissing wasn’t enough. It made her want to drown in the waves of his tongue against hers, and how the prickling of pleasure seemed to take over when he moaned into her mouth.

“Y/N.” Harry whispered; voice laced tightly in lust. He leaned in closer, Y/N’s breath hitching and every nerve ending in her entire body alert. His hot breath hit her lips, the curl falling into his forehead almost brushing her forehead, tips of their noses meeting occasionally as neither of them were able to sit completely still any longer. “Y/N, kiss me.”

Her eyes met his, that same green she only associated with summer and him. “If I kiss you I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop.”

“Don’t.” Harry whispered back, shaking his head slightly. “Never stop.”

Y/N’s eyes made contact with his lips again, a breath leaving them as if relief flooded him, like he knew they were going to kiss. Like he had been waiting for this exact moment for way too long, and it was finally here. Just as their nose slid against one another, making butterflies fly around like maniacs in her tummy once again, the familiar creak of someone walking outside the kitchen doorway sounded. Y/N jumped back to lean against the back of her chair and so did Harry, clearing his throat as if nothing had just happened. As if they hadn’t just been almost snogging each other senseless on the kitchen table. Because hadn’t whoever been trying to sneak up on them and see what they were doing, Y/N was sure she would have leaned in and kissed Harry like there was absolutely no tomorrow, next week, next month, or next lifetime.

They looked at each other, both of them a little out of breath because of the moment they had just shared and what had almost happened. So, smiling a little, they both looked away and at Y/N’s ankle, which was looking a little better after she had relaxed it for a bit. It would most likely be a bit sore to walk on for a week, but she would quickly recover as she had sprained her ankle before and she knew how to handle it. The two sat in silence for a bit, neither knowing what to say or if the coast was clear to have a make-out sesh in the middle of the kitchen for everyone to see. Harry held the peas to her ankle for some minutes more until she announced she’d follow him to the door.

“Goodnight, ladies.” Harry said, bowing a little before walking out into the foyer to small giggled heard from the living room. “I even make your friends blush.”

“And what would you need my friends to blush for, hm?” Y/N raised her eyebrows, crossing her arms at him.

Harry grinned that lopsided grin as he sat down in the stairs to take his converse on. “Got to make sure I still have the charm to make everyone swoon, yea? I need to be on top of my game.”

“Like you were Sunday?” Y/N didn’t realise what she’d said until it was out there, and she bit her lips together in embarrassment.

Harry glanced up at her, face blank as he already knew what she meant. “You mean Becky?”

Y/N debated telling him she was only joking, that he was allowed to flirt with whomever he wanted to because the two of them weren’t a couple after all. She debated lying to him, but then he looked up at her while tying his shoe and all she could think about then was the night they had just had, and how he had told her everything there was to know about him and the complicated part of his life.

So, Y/N nodded.

“You think I needed to be on top of my game to score someone like her?”

“Well, you did score her, so…”

Harry smiled, starting to tie his other shoe. “Did I now?”

“That’s what it looked like anyway.” She said, crossing her arms as she suddenly felt very vulnerable and weird about this conversation. “You scoring her.”

“Darling,” Harry said, getting up from his position in the stairs and taking the remainder steps to stand right in front of her. “I wouldn’t call talking to her scoring.”

Y/N tried not to look as pleased as she felt. “So you… so you... did not…?”

“Did I have sex with her?”

Y/N stayed quiet as she knew he knew that was exactly what she meant.

Harry smiled a little, shaking his head. “I did not.”

Y/N was about to smile back but bit her lip so she would not do so.

“Not something I would do normally.” Harry admitted.

“Becky, you mean?”

Harry chuckled. “No, one night stands.”

Y/N didn’t know what to say to that, but she was sure her wide eyes told him enough. She blinked, making Harry chuckle some more.

“I need to be off, it’s getting late.” Harry walked towards the door, looking over at her as he turned the handle. “I’ll see you around, yea?”

“Yea.” Y/N nodded. “See you around, Harry.”

He stepped outside just as Y/N reached the door, holding it open so she could watch him walk down their little path and take a right to walk up to his house. When she closed the door, a small pang sounded from inside her chest, and Y/N realised she was already missing him. After everything tonight had been, she finally felt like she was close to Harry, that she knew everything there was to know about him and his life. That she finally understood him and why he was the way he was. He had admitted to having been intrigued by their linked past, but he also told her everything about that past didn’t mean anything for how he felt about her now. He liked her for her, and that was more than enough for Y/N. The butterflies in her stomach were already taking flight at the prospect of seeing him again soon.

So, walking back into the living room to her friends, she got her bag of peas so she could make Tiana hold them against her swollen ankle while keeping it above her chest. They all asked a million questions a minute, wanting to know every single little detail about everything. And though Y/N had no problem telling these three girls everything, she wanted to keep today to herself, so she only shook her head and said, “We made up.”

TAGLIST

@particularnarry @littlestyles @showk1ndness @sydneysuit @hallwayharry @emotionally-imbruised @fuckyeahimahobbit @beksjewels @harryisadogperson @harryrocksagoodsuit @ifiwereaboy2323 @tiostyles @maroonmolly @harrysroguecurl @awomanindeniall @justsaying20 @ot4narrie @miss-nxvxcaine @sunflowersandrockstars @hard-on-harry @emma070900 @shitibitmytonge @always-jackedup @rainbowbutterflyboy @shegotthesalt @harrytreatspeoplewithkindnesss @bloodcastle30155 @harryskiwi2 @brielyse11 @for-fucks-sake-h @treat-harry-with-love @permanentllyharry @flooome @harryfeatcalum @hydra-barnes @violets-parma @shadowsndaisies @messyherz @dancinglikeamadpersoninthedark @kakaym @loveandyourstrulyh @onedirectionhoe @yes-daddy-i-willl @itsnoneofyourbusiness94 @stylisthazel @givemesomemore @thelux47 @its-all-about-harrystyles @blogjustlauren @friendlyneighborhoodron @stylesfantasy @miraclesoflove @belladonna-styles @cal-king @loviestyles @guccikingstyles @boyzvevo

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#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles fic #harry styles smut #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles fanfic #het fic #1dff #COME FREAK ONCE YOURE DONE BROTHER

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so-shiny-so-chrome · 6 years ago

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Witness: Kalashnikorn

Creator name (AO3): Kalashnikorn

Creator name (Tumblr): Main-force-patrol

Link to creator works: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalashnikorn

Creator name (other platform- please specify): @Riccarterfans (twitter)

Q: Why the Mad Max Fandom?

A: My interest in Mad Max started early. I was maybe 12-14 when my mom picked it up on VHS at a garage sale because she had fond memories of the film when it came out (she saw it in theaters, which is rare for her). We’re both fond of cars and dystopian/apocalyptic stuff, so I easily connected with the movie and fell in love with WAY too many of the characters. So there was my weirdo self, in the early 2000s, loving MM1 but not really having a fandom to join. I had fun on my own, drawing stuff, making toys of the characters, writing doofy adolescent fanfic. You know, the works. But I did it in isolation, because I was a LONELY kid. Not just in terms of fandom, there were just never other kids around, or adults (other than my parents) around. Therefore, I spent most of my time online, and lost countless hours lurking on the MadMaxMovies.com forum. But I didn’t feel safe talking to people there, because the only other fans were guys my dad’s age. For years, if I had any kind of fandom-related wish that I’d give an arm to fulfill, it was that other girls and queer folks would embrace the MM series so I could finally share my excitement with people that would “get” me. Fast forward to 2015. Fury Road fulfilled that wish. I knew tumblr was my best chance at getting those friends I’d wanted for so long. It’s better than I’d ever dreamed. Mad Max Fandom, I love you! Special shoutout to @d--t, @crunkmouse, @sillyb0yblue, @sleepymayo, @lethalpr0tector, @legendofstraydog, @partyinvalhalla and @vanessa-geraldine-carlysle!

Q: What do you think are some defining aspects of your work? Do you have a style? Recurrent themes?

A: I love to write first-person fic that delves into the darker aspects of the human psyche. How do we justify killing others? What impact does a hypermasculine culture have upon a man with depression and anxiety? Is violence really the key to surviving the apocalypse? I also enjoy writing about people seeking control or freedom, and wrestling with that they believe they need to do to achieve that.

Q: What (if any) music do you listen to for help getting those creative juices flowing?

A: Since I do first person, I like something to get me into the head of the character I’m writing, so I make playlists for certain characters. 99% of the time, anymore, I’m writing as Roop, so on his playlist I’ve got a bunch of stuff quasi-hipster stuff that touches upon themes of isolation, anger, violence, and feelings of helplessness. There’s a bunch of indie rock, some seventies stuff, and A LOT OF PINK FLOYD. Oh, and there’s some Aussie rock in there too, of course.

Q: What is your biggest challenge as a creator?

A: Finding the time to write!

Q: Which character do you relate to the most, and how does that affect your approach to that character? Is someone else your favourite to portray? How has your understanding of these characters grown through portraying them?

A: Roop… And Roop. And my understanding of him has absolutely grown through portraying him. He’s a character that’s in MM1 for like.. Ten minutes? And after the opening chase scene, he hardly has any lines. But Steve Millichamp does an excellent job portraying him with his posture, body language, etc. So I gleaned ideas from his non-verbal performance. Honestly, if you look at the number of times he makes a mopey face, it’s astounding. Other times, he looks at Fifi for guidance, the way a kid looks at a parent or teacher. He doesn’t seem to have any friends at work, partially due to his own personality. I could go on for hours. From all that, I extrapolated that he’s basically caught between childhood and adulthood, and he’s trying to sort out what it means to be a good cop and a good person. Sometimes those things aren’t congruent, and it tears him up because he’s a very type A, hardworking perfectionist. Growing up, he was told that he was gifted, smart, etc., and he feels like an imposter because he fixates on his shortcomings and mistakes. And when trying to live up to this impossibly high standard, he puts a lot of pressure on himself and struggles when he has to surrender or when he fails. There’s a ton more, but those are the highlights. The vast majority my MM/Roop fic stays offline. Pretty much all of it is irrelevant to the rest of the Mad Max universe, so there’s no point in posting it. It’s taken on a life of its own. Of course, some people have let me know that they dislike or disagree with my characterization of Roop. That’s fine. Nobody’s forcing them to read my fic.

Q: Do you ever self-insert, even accidentally?

A: Oh hell yes. And I’m completely shameless about it, because I don’t think the practice should be taboo or frowned upon. We wouldn’t shame an actor who tapped their lived experience to bring authenticity to a role, would we? I think we should extend the same understanding to writers. Aside from being a great way to understand more about our selves, enjoy an escapist fantasy, or work through trauma, I think self-insertion can be a great way to evoke emotional authenticity in a story.

Q: Do you have any favourite relationships to portray? What interests you about them?

A: I pretty much stick to what I consider my strength, which is genfic. So I mostly stick to portraying platonic interactions, both friendly and unfriendly. I particularly like exploring how Roop interacts with/judges his co-workers. I’m also fond of writing about good moms who love and encourage their kids. Sometimes the mom is the viewpoint character, sometimes it’s the kid. Regardless, I like looking at how parental relationships can shape a person’s worldview.

Q: How does your work for the fandom change how you look at the source material?

A: My work makes me hyper-analyze MM1 and its novelization. I mostly write MM1 fic because I feel like we could have gotten a lot more mileage out of exploring MM1’s world, before society fully broke down and became the more fantastical wasteland we know and love in MM2, MM3, and MMFR. As much as I like the later worldbuilding stuff, I can really appreciate watching a civilization crumble in a grounded, slow-burning manner.

Q: To break or not to break canon? Why?

A: Depends on what you mean by “break.” I think a lot purists would say that I break canon, so I’ll put it this way: I like to write stories where I add to canon without directly contradicting it. We’re never shown Roop’s home life, for instance. It’s free real estate! I do this because I just want MORE MM1. More Roop, more MFP, more Armalites, all of it. I don’t feel the need to change anything, just add more volume to it. That said, I love it when others break canon! I have a ton of fun reading AUs and alternate scenes.

Q: Share some headcanons

A: GRAB A SEAT AND PUT YOUR SITTIN’ PANTS ON. Here we go: In addition to recruiting local police officers and other traditional recruiting strategies, the MFP uses conscription to fill out its ranks. Roop is one such draftee. Roop doesn’t spend any time with Charlie outside of work. He really just tries to minimize contact with the guy. If we do all my Roop headcanons, we’ll be here until the Miller completes MM5. Charlie wanted to go seminary school and become a priest, but was drafted. Losing his voice pretty much killed his dream of preaching. Fifi takes an interest in his men, but only so he can better manipulate them into staying/reenlisting. Bubba was a former MFP officer who went rogue once budget cuts and bureaucratic decisions made law enforcement abandon his rural hometown.

Q: Who are some works by other creators inside and outside of the fandom that have influenced your work?Inside the fandom, the old RP crowd and I bounced a lot of ideas off each other, and interacting with their muses helped Roop’s story grow by leaps and bounds (finger guns at @d--t’s OC, Renholder, @vanessa-geraldine-carlysle’s portrayal of Charlie, and @legendofstraydog’s OC, Syrup!) Outside the fandom, my biggest influences are Kurt Vonnegut, J.D. Salinger, Quentin Tarantino, the Coen Brothers, and Sam Esmail.

Q: Have you visited or do you plan to visit Australia, Wasteland Weekend, or other Mad Max place?

A: Not yet, but I'd love to go someday!

Q: Tell us about a current WIP or planned project

A: “Autotomy” is my big current WIP. It’s 7 chapters into its 9 or 10 chapter run (I’ve literally got chapter 8 open in another window as I’m writing this). It follows Roop immediately after MM1 ends. He sees the aftermath of Max’s rampage, and begins to question his own ideals. Then his morals are put to the test when an unexpected guest arrives at his home. The word “autotomy” describes cutting off a part of oneself to escape a greater threat. Think of a lizard that sheds its trapped tail to avoid being eaten. I’m using it in the literal and metaphorical sense. At the end of MM1, we see someone have to make a literal life-or-limb decision. And in this story, Roop has to decide whether or not to cut off the toxic ideology that has guided his actions.

Thank you @main-force-patrol @richardcarterfans some of your tags got lost in reformatting. You may want to retag your peeps

#Mad Max Fandom Creator Spotlight #Mad Max Fandom Spotlight #mad max fic #mad max fic author spotlight #kalishnakorn #main-force-patrol

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higuchimon · 7 years ago

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[fanfic] Punch To Pay

Yubel darted through the crowded marketplace, nostrils full of the scent of the ocean and of fish and everything else that the market had to offer. Untold numbers of voices rolled by their ears, some in Kuragari’s native tongue, others in languages unknown to them. For the most part they ignored them, seeking out the trader they’d come here to visit.

They wanted to get there and get back before Juudai realized they weren’t there in the first place. If Juudai did ask where they were, then it wasn’t as if it were forbidden to go to the marketplace. But Yubel didn’t want any hint cropping up that might alert Juudai that they’d done something he didn’t know about. Not until the time came for him to get his present.

So they hurried and hurried, ducking under people, dodging around them, breath coming faster and faster, until they stumbled to a halt in front of the merchant’s building.

Kuragari’s capital city boasted many merchants, traders, and craftspeople of all kind, with the vast majority being the very finest of their kind, offering wares unlike any seen in other places. Many of their crafts also involved magic or alchemy of one kind or another, always splendid and tempting to the eye.

This was no different: a weaver’s shop, with many examples of their craft hung up. Like so many others, this weaver specialized, creating magnificent tapestries, fit to hang on the walls of the palace itself.

That was, after all, exactly what Yubel came there for, and why they chose this weaver of all of them in the city. What else would be suitable for Juudai, not only the city’s prince but the guardian of all life?

No sooner had they crossed the threshold, however, did they realize things weren’t going to go entirely as planned. There in the shop stood a couple of other people. Not just any people, either, but one of the higher ranking nobles of the city and his eldest daughter.

By most standards she was attractive enough. Yubel certainly wouldn’t have said she was ugly, though they also never really gave people who weren’t Juudai that sort of thought. Nor was she even vain or cruel or foolish. All those qualities that fairy tales insisted ‘other people’ had were lost on this young noblewoman.

But her father, on the other hand, kept his nose in the air and his head in the sand. How he did this at the same time baffled Yubel but he did it regardless.

“I want that tapestry.” Those were the first words Yubel heard on entering the shop and their heart sank the moment they saw which one the nobleman gestured to.

Not that one! Yubel wanted to declare. That one’s for Juudai!

They hadn’t paid for it yet; that was why they were here in the first place. So for all proper purposes, it could be bought by anyone who had the money. But there it hung and there the money rested in Yubel’s pouch and they wanted to get it paid for now.

“I don’t know if mother would like that one,” the nobleman’s daughter protested. “She doesn’t like that view.”

Her father patted her on the shoulder. “It’s quite all right, dear. I know your mother. She’ll love it. She loves everything that I buy for her.”

She shook her head, rolled her eyes, and glanced back as a gust of wind blew from the door before Yubel closed it. A smile touched on her lips at once. “Yubel! I didn’t expect to see you out here.”

Yubel nodded quickly, eyes flicking over to the nobleman for a moment before turning to the daughter. The merchant was too wrapped up in trying to talk to even bother with at the moment.

“I came to get something for Juudai.” Perhaps, if they were very lucky, the woman would be able to persuade her father to leave the tapestry. Pick another or leave altogether; Yubel didn’t care which. As long as that one remained for them to take home to Juudai.

The daughter - Yasu - widened her eyes, then quickly tugged at her father’s arm. “Father, you can’t have that!”

He gestured her away with a quick motion and a few mumbled words that likely were meant only to brush her off. Yubel tensed, biting their lip before they held up their head and spoke.

“I wanted to get that for Juudai.”

The nobleman’s daughter nodded, her grip still strong on her father’s arm. “We should let Yubel have it, father. We can get a different one. Mother would love that one there.” She pointed toward one scene of the deep woods, with towering trees and a circular pond in the center. Like all tapestries of that weaver’s crafting, the colors glowed deep and rich, shimmering sky blue, trees of emerald green, with tiny gemstones no bigger than one’s nail woven into it. It was at least equal to the one Yubel wanted for Juudai. This one could even have been a fraction better.

“This is the one I want. You’re going to have to trust me, Yasu.” He turned back to attempting to bargain with the weaver once more.

Rage stirred deeper and wilder in Yubel. How dare this person try to take something that they’d intended for Juudai? How dare he not even listen?

Their hand landed on his shoulder. Yubel wasn’t all that tall, but years of training gave them strength beyond their years. They spun the nobleman around and stared into his eyes.

“I want that for Juudai.”

The nobleman stared at them, confusion in every line of his face for a few moments, before it all smoothed over, replaced by a slender smile.

“Yubel. The prince’s … friend.”

There were a thousand words that could’ve been said instead of that. Yubel knew most of them and didn’t care about any of them. Yubel cared about the insult to Juudai this person offered.

“I told you. I want that for Juudai. I have the money for it.”

The law of Kuragari didn’t specify that whatever the royal family wanted, they got. If he’d bought the tapestry and carried it away before Yubel arrived, then so be it. Yubel would’ve chalked it up to bad luck and tried to find something else to give him.

But here he was, knowing that Yubel wanted it for Juudai, and that smarmy smile, the tilt of his head to the side, all of it saying he had no intentions of stepping aside.

That was sheer rudeness and Yubel wouldn’t stand for that.

The nobleman’s smile thinned for a heartbeat, then tripled in smug superiority before he began to turn to the weaver once more. The weaver said almost nothing; getting involved in a situation like this wasn’t one that anyone wished for.

“If His Highness were here,” the nobleman purred, “I would gladly pay for this tapestry with my own funds and make a gift of it to him. But how can you tell me that you would give this to him? How could I trust your word?” He cast a sly glance toward them. “How could anyone?”

He said nothing else. He didn’t need to. Yubel snarled wordlessly and launched themselves at him, punching with fists made strong from training and rage born of fury that such an insult, however hidden behind sweet words, would be leveled.

Not at Yubel. He could insult them from dawn to dusk and Yubel would care no more for that than the buzzing of flies. But to imply that Juudai couldn’t trust them? Yubel would not let that stand at all.

He stumbled back and struck at Yubel with one hand, as if attempting to dispose of a bothersome insect. Yubel grabbed onto his wrist and slammed his arm down with all of their might, swearing repeatedly, using every scrap of language picked up from the years spent by the docks. Like any port city, the sailors who visited Kuragrai’s capital brought their profanity and their trade goods in equal measure, and Yubel learned of both even when spending their time in the palace.

Yasu, normally one of the more soft-spoken, yelled words that Yubel couldn’t fully understand, though that was more because Yubel wasn’t listening than anything else. All their focus remained on beating this so-called nobleman into the dust. Other hands, hardened like those of a warrior, pulled at Yubel, attempting to get them off of their opponent. Yubel paid no mind to that either, choosing instead to grind one knee in and ensure that Yasu would be an only child for all eternity, unless her parents chose to adopt.

“Yubel!”

That voice cut right into Yubel and they looked up to see Juudai standing there, staring wide-eyed. Slowly the world came back into focus around them. The nobleman bore swiftly flowering bruises all over his face; his fine doublet now torn almost off him, and he would wake up in the morning with two flawless black eyes. They could feel a few injuries of their own, but none of that mattered, not if it meant they could deliver the tapestry.

Even if it wasn’t going to be the surprise that they’d wanted.

The nobleman drew himself up and dusted himself off, raising his head high in pride. “My apologies for any offense, Prince Juudai. Do keep a better leash on your toy.”

Yubel caught sight of Yasu groaning. There were few more effective ways to get on his bad side.

Juudai didn’t twitch for a moment. His gaze rested on Yubel for a moment. “What happened?”

Before Yubel could answer, the nobleman burst out, “I was attempting to buy this for you when your pet attacked me!” He pulled his face into an offended pout. “I’m sure it will attempt some form of a lie to cover itself, though. You know how it’s type can’t be trusted.”

Yubel didn’t even wait for him to utter another word. One fist piledrived into his stomach, with every ounce of strength they could measure behind it. His eyes flew wide as the air fled and he buckled over, flailing.

“My lord,” Yasu said, stepping forward with a courteous bow. “My father is attempting to lie - badly. He wanted that tapestry for my mother and refused to listen to me, or to Yubel when they said they wanted it for you. Then he insulted both you and them.”

Yubel said nothing, only kept their attention on the nobleman as he tried to get back up. He glared at them, trying to get his breath back, a few broken words falling that made only the barest sense, something about seeing them hung, they thought.

Juudai moved forward until he could rest a hand on Yubel’s shoulder. “I think I know who I’m going to believe. I’ve heard what you’ve said about Yubel before.”

“There are kingdoms where insulting the royal family carries a penalty of death,” Yasu said. “You’re lucky Kuragari isn’t one of them, father.”

Yubel certainly hadn’t imagined the shade of purple that Yasu’s father turned at that. Nor how all the color drained away at Juudai’s next words.

“Yasu, since you show a great deal more sense than your father, I will speak to my father about having his title stripped from him and given to you.”

Yasu turned bright red at that. “Your Highness!”

Juudai waved one hand dismissively as he turned to the weaver and Yubel, Yasu hurrying her still sputtering father out at the same time. “Yubel, if there’s something you want to buy, take care of it. Then we’re going home.”

Yubel took two hurried steps over to the weaver and passed over the money, glad nothing happened to it in the fight. They wouldn’t have put it past the nobleman to steal it and claim Yubel took it from him. But now they quickly haggled a price that included delivery by that evening, as well as an extra small piece, to keep the surprise. Juudai deliberately kept his attention elsewhere as Yubel made the arrangements, then together, the two of them started back to the palace.

“How did you know I was down here?” Yubel wanted to know. Juudai shrugged, lips quirked.

“You think I don’t know when you need me?”

Yubel shivered from head to toe at the look Juudai sent them, and even more so at the way his hand closed over theirs as they wended their way through the marketplace and to the palace itself. Before they made it there, Yubel stopped Juudai and stared at him for a heartbeat, Then, quick as the wind, they leaned forward and touched their lips to his, enfolding him into a warm embrace.

Juudai leaned in at once, arms slipping around their waist, and together they stood, arm in arm, lip to lip, heart to heart. It could not be forever; they had too much to do. But both stole what time they could, while they could, and Yubel savored it deep within their heart.

The End

Notes: And so I begin 2018 with Soulshipping. Something that makes me very happy. Also, this was anonly requested on tumblr for the prompt ‘a fistfight’. It was supposed to be a mini-fic, but…it’s not?

#fanfic #higuchimon writes #ygo gx #yuuki juudai #yubel #yubel x juudai #juudai x yubel #soulshipping

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theasstour · 6 years ago

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0110. Larghetto elegico.

Wednesday, 8 April 2015

FIC PAGE | CHAPTER SYMPHONY | WORD COUNT: 8k

NB: explicit language, mentions of alcohol

All the doors in the flat were open. The one to the kitchen, the one leading upstairs and to the hallway, and every single one leading into every single room. Ian was using his speakers, blasting a Maroon 5 song and singing at the top of his lungs in the kitchen while everyone else were packing up their rooms. Y/N stood by her pinboard, taking the photos of her family, home, and friends down. She placed all of them into a folder along with her year 1 timetables, map of campus, and everything else that had helped her room seem a little more hers the time she lived there. Taking a step back, she studied her empty wall, sighing to herself as she felt a small lump form in her throat. Though she was happy to finally be moving out of Westbridge and into a house with her very good friends, she would miss it as well. This had been the first place she had managed to live on her own, her own space. She would never forget the yellow walls, the dodgy carpeted floors, and the creaky kitchen chairs.

Putting her throw over her beddings, Y/N placed one of her suitcases on her bed, opening it so she could start filling it up with all of her belongings. She opened her closet first, taking all of the clothes out that she wouldn’t need for the remaining of her time at Westbridge. Folding them neatly, she placed them one by one into the suitcase, humming along to the music and smiling as she heard Tiana and Finn’s laughters from down the corridor.

She remembered her first day at Westbridge, being so scared and feeling so far out of her comfort zone that it was impossible for her not to be constantly shaking because she was always on edge. She remembered always keeping her door locked and never socialising, and when she looked at her door now, wide open and all her flatmates milling about outside, Y/N suddenly felt very proud of herself. She had managed to come out of her introvert shell a little, feeling a little more comfortable around people she barely knew and even those she didn’t know at all. Never before had she been this as peace, not as on edge as she had always been before. Of course, she would always be anxious at all times to some degree, but now it had calmed down and it was easier for her to think clearly. Easier to give herself enough credit that she had genuine friends now that cared for her, or that in the end, everything would work out just fine. Because even though most of year 1 academically had kicked her ass, she had also found new ways to study to better herself, or new ways for her to focus better during lectures. Y/N was very ready for year 2 at Battersea, but she was also massively looking forward to summer break.

“How’s it going, hun?” Tiana asked as she walked into Y/N’s room, stepping over one of the already packed bags.

“Need to finish packing my clothes.” Y/N answered. “And then I’ll leave some for tomorrow as well. Meeting Teresa later so we can practise our set for Friday.”

“Oh yea!” Tiana sat down on the pillows at the top of Y/N’s bed, the little space left after her suitcase almost took up most of it. “You’re performing at The Junction on Friday!”

Y/N nodded, smiling at Tiana.

“Nervous about it?” Finn questioned, sitting down in the chair by Y/N’s desk.

“More nervous than I have been for anything ever.” Y/N said. “Afraid I’m going to make a right dimwit of myself while playing.”

“What are you talking about? Of course you won’t!” Tiana frowned at her flatmate. “You’re an amazing violinist.”

“You’ve never heard me play before.”

“Don’t need to hear you play to know you’re the best there is.” Tiana smiled. “What are you playing, by the way?”

“We’re going to start with Stubborn Love by The Lumineers.” Y/N said, getting more clothes out of her closet, putting those that were already folded into the suitcase right away. “And then Rather Be by Clean Bandit and-“

“-Did someone say Rather Be?” Ian asked, dancing into Y/N’s room with his speaker and phone in his hands. The song mentioned was playing and Spencer – walking behind Ian - shook his head as he almost tripped over the packed bag on the floor. Spencer sat down on the desk and Ian by the sink, turning the volume down at Finn’s request.

“We’ll all be there you on, Y/N.” Tiana reassured, smiling at Y/N who smiled back.

“I’m actually well excited about tomorrow.” Ian admitted. “Having a pint while chilling with my mates and my other mate is in charge of entertainment? Sound time.” He sighed, a slower song now playing from the speakers by his side. “It’ll be the last time the flat is properly hanging out together, won’t it? Neither Finn nor Y/N are coming back for exams in May as they don’t have any. Won’t ever chill out like this ever.”

“It’s going to be weird for sure.” Finn agreed. “Gotten so used to this shit hole now.”

“You’re all getting so sad for nothing.” Tiana rolled her eyes, watching as Y/N continued to pack her things. “We’ll hang out together again, just not as regularly.”

“I’ll have to take the trip from Cambridge,” Spencer said. “Won’t even live in London.”

“I cannot believe you’re dropping out.” Finn looked at Spencer to his left. “I mean, good for you, bruv, you know what you want and all that, but I just thought Business was right up your alley. You seem like the guy to.”

“Business is right up my alley, but I just didn’t like this specific course. Too broad, too modules things I didn’t care for. I’ll have to specify my course a little more when I apply for unis next year.” Spencer put one of his legs up on the desk, resting his arm on his knee. “It’s hard choosing a career path, especially at such a young age, you know what I mean?”

Everyone nodded and Y/N closed her suitcase, zipping it up before putting it on the floor and sitting down in her bed with Tiana.

“Feels kind of weird thinking about that I have to choose a job I’ll have to be working at for the rest of my life in the field I’m studying now.” Ian said, staring out into thin air as his mind wandered off somewhere else.

“Let’s not think about that now.” Tiana said, slapping her hands against her thighs. “Let’s chat about our first year at uni. It’s gone by so crazy fast.”

“Been bonkers.” Finn nodded, smiling a bit. “Met so many amazing people so fast, and still have three years to go. It’s bloody insane.”

“Uni has been challenging, and it’s going to get much worse as the years go by, I can only assume.” Tiana said, a smile slowly etching its way across her lips. “But so far it’s also been amazing. Think that’s why it’s gone so fast as well.”

“Any of you remember that first time we went to BOP together?” Spencer asked, groans emitting from everyone followed by laughter. “Disastrous.”

“Well, not really.” Ian chimed in, frowning.

“We weren’t even hanging together as a flat, which was the whole point of going in the first place.” Spencer frowned back.

Ian shrugged. “Snogged a well fit woman that I still don’t know the name of. A brilliant night for me.”

Y/N’s phone vibrated on her desk, making Spencer look down at it abruptly as it had clearly startled him a little. Making to get up out of bed to get it, Finn took the phone and gave it to Y/N, who smiled gratefully in return. The chatter was still going on around Y/N as she looked down at her illuminated screen. She smiled instantly. The butterflies deep inside her soul and tummy started fluttering their wings as they always did as the sight or sound of his name.

Harry A little bird whispered in my ear earlier today.

Y/N tried not to giggle and make it very obvious that she was texting Harry. Though she knew Tiana would catch her being all flustered and quiet at some point.

Y/N What’d the little bird say?

Harry That your birthday was three weeks ago.

Biting her lip, Y/N closed her phone and tried to engage in the conversation going around her room. Though her head was so far away, thinking about brown curls and green eyes only, so it was hard to hear all the words being spoken clearly, and not as if she was flying around her room in a bubble, hearing only muffled sounds. Her phone vibrated again.

Harry March 11th.

Y/N Never really cared for my birthday if I’m honest. It’s no big deal.

Harry It is to me.

Y/N couldn’t help but feel her heart swell a little at that text. Harry really felt that way? Her birthday was a big deal to him? It seemed so unrealistic for someone other than her family to really know when her birthday was, and to genuinely care and remember that information. Tiana was the only other one who knew when Y/N’s birthday was, and one Y/N had told her not to make a big scene on her birthday, Tiana had respected that completely and only called to have a chat when Y/N went home to celebrate with her family. It wasn’t that Y/N was keeping her birthday away from anyone, she would just much rather not get the attention her birthday would bring. Her phone vibrated again.

Harry The woman I’m crushing on’s birthday was a few weeks ago and I didn’t get her a card, flowers, or present. Unacceptable.

Y/N Harry, you don’t have to get me anything.

Harry Maybe not, but it isn’t about feeling like I have to. You’re a priority, not an obligation.

Y/N almost gasped, Harry’s words having its effect on her as they always had

“Okay,” Tiana nudged Y/N with her toe. “Who’re you talking to?”

“Ehh, no one.”

“Tell Ehh No One that they can wait. You’re spending time with us now.” Tiana smiled, and Y/N instantly felt a little bad that she had zoned so completely out of their conversation that she didn’t even know what the group was chatting about now.

Y/N Hanging out with the flat. Chat later x

Harry Whenever you have the time, darling. Xxx

Y/N closed her phone then, putting it under her thigh as Tiana crawled over to her, resting her head on Y/N’s shoulder. They fell into conversation with the lads again, talking till Ian’s speaker went out of battery an everyone’s tummies started grumbling. Though Y/N was physically in her room, talking to all her flatmates, her mind was somewhere else entirely. It was somewhere in Cotton Row; somewhere where a beautiful brown-haired bloke sat alone in his room doing nothing. Whenever she would catch herself slipping away to think about Harry and him texting her, she would pull herself right back to reality with all her friends. They had been right, it would be a while till they would all be hanging out like this away, so Y/N had to be present while she still could.

At last, they all decided to go to the kitchen and make some dinner in half an hour, but to just tidy theirs rooms properly first beforehand. As the lads walked out, Tiana remained in Y/N’s room, and judging by the very serious expression on her face, Y/N closed the door.

“You okay, T?” Y/N sat down in her bed again, facing her best friend.

Tiana looked over at Y/N, a little lost for a few seconds before she opened her mouth. “I need to tell you what happened with Danny.”

Y/N had almost forgotten completely about him, but by the tone of Tiana’s voice it was clear that was far from her case. With her eyes closed for a few seconds, breathing in and out to calm down, Tiana tried to find the correct words.

“You deserve to know.”

“If you don’t want to tell me, Tiana-“

“-I do. I want you to know because you’re the only one besides myself I want to know about this.” Tiana explained, hand resting against her chest as she talked. “I trust you to know every single little detail about me. To know me well.”

Y/N smiled encouragingly, taking Tiana’s hands to tell her by touch that she was there with her. It took some time for Tiana to open her mouth and talk, but once she finally did, Y/N seemed to finally understand the whole picture. As Y/N rubbed her thumbs over Tiana’s hands, watching her calm down with each stroke, Y/N knew that she had to be patient for Tiana to tell her. No use pushing her for information she would eventually receive.

“I told Danny about the pregnancy scare in November.” Tiana started, looking at something behind Y/N. “About how you came to the clinic with me, and that if he wanted he could even see the test results if he wanted to.”

Y/N frowned.

“Just so he wouldn’t start asking about them later, which I kind of knew he would anyway.” Tiana shrugged. “Anyway, I…” She stopped, collecting herself for a few seconds before she went on. “I went to his flat to tell him and he lost his mind. So I said what had been on my mind for weeks by that point, something I was certain of, and that was… that I loved him.”

Y/N’s entire body hurt thinking about this whole scene. Tiana laying herself bare in front of Danny.

“And of course he didn’t say it back.” Tiana laughed a little. “Because why would he fall in love with his fuck buddy, right? Why get emotionally attached to someone when you can remain ice cold?”

“T…” Y/N sighed, feeling Tiana tighten the grip she had on her hands.

“So, to sum up:” Tiana looked at Y/N, trying to smile, but it failed to meet her eyes. “I told Danny about thinking I was pregnant, but that I wasn’t, and he freaked out. Then I told him I loved him, and he stopped freaking out to tell me he didn’t feel the same way.”

Y/N was silent, not really knowing what the appropriate thing would be to say in a situation like this one.

“Told me this always happened to him and he didn’t know what he was doing wrong for all the birds he fucked to fall in love with him.” Tiana’s glance was distance as she was undoubtably reliving the whole scene in her head. “Asked me if it was something specific he did, and I just told him I didn’t know why I love him. I told him I just did, that it had come out of nowhere, my feelings.” She closed her eyes. “And then I did the mistake of asking what he would have done had I been pregnant.”

Y/N knew she’d hate he answer.

“’Would’ve left. I’m not old enough to have a kid, I’m still in uni’, he said.” Tiana opened her eyes again, not looking at Y/N as she continued. “When I teared up, he stood there in silence not comforting me or talking to me, just waiting for me to leave. I have never felt more worthless than I did after that. I’m so glad it was close to Christmas so I could go home to my family and forget about uni for a bit. Would never forget about you, Y/N, but…” Tiana sighed, looking at Y/N now. “Sometimes I wish I could start uni all over again so I would’ve made the decision not to talk to Danny ever. Would’ve made myself stay far away from that wank-stain.”

Y/N saw the blankness in Tiana’s eyes, and the pool of tears that were forming at the bottom of them. Leaning in, Y/N embraced Tiana and brought her close into a tight hug. It took a minute or two for Tiana to finally cry into Y/N’s shoulder, to repeat over and over again ‘I wish I’d never met him’ or ‘I hate him so much’. It broke everything within Y/N into a million tiny little pieces. To know someone had hurt her best friend this bad for her still to be sad about it even months after, it took everything for Y/N not to cry with her. She had to be strong now and show Tiana that she was there for her, that she always had her shoulder to cry on whatever happened. They heard the lads walking into the kitchen to make some dinner together, but Tiana and Y/N stayed back until Tiana’s cheeks were try, eyes less red, and until her spirits were back up again. Well, till her spirits were somewhat back to normal. Y/N got a few tissues and dried Tiana’s cheeks, shushing her when she started to speak. They were going to sit in silence until Tiana’s sobs that shook shaking her body like a hiccup every few seconds, had stopped. Only then were they ready to walk into the kitchen and to the others.

“Thank you,” Tiana almost whispered. “For listening and being here for me.”

“Always, Tiana.” Y/N said, throwing the tissues at her bin, but missing massively. Both of them laughed a little, though Tiana was quick to look down at her hands as she opened her mouth, then closed it again. Opened, then closed.

“Could not hold it in for any longer.” Tiana said, looking at Y/N. “Know I do not owe you an explanation for anything or to share everything with you, but I want to.”

Their hands found one another, intertwining instantly.

“Best friends don’t have secrets.” Tiana smiled.

It took a second before Y/N smiled back. “Best friends don’t have secrets.”

Friday, 10 April 2015

The Junction was an old pub in Battersea, London, a one-minute walk from Clapham Junction. It was dimly lit, with tellies in each corner for sport events, and old grunge dark wooden floors, tables, chairs, and bar counter. In one end stood the small stage live acts performed, while everywhere else was occupied by run-down furniture and loud laughter. It smelled old when you entered, as if the building had been standing for hundreds of years, and Y/N thought that might just be the case. It was a friendly place, the second Y/N and Teresa stepped through the door, the woman working behind the bar gave them a wide smile. Teresa walked up to introduce them, and while she was talking, Y/N looked around the pub. It was still too early in the afternoon for groups to come have a pint with their mates, but a few old men sat by one of the windows leading to the busy St John’s Hill outside, cars and people rushing by to get home for the weekend.

It wasn’t even busy yet, but as Y/N surveyed the room, taking in every detail about the place and every seating area where someone would sit later, she felt her heart beating uncomfortably loudly in her ears. She balled her hands into fists in her cardigan pockets, trying to tell herself that everything would be alright. Just close your eyes and don’t think about how many people will be watching you. But it was impossible not to think about all those people that would be watching, all those eyes that would be studying her every move and analysing her body and clothes and… and… just her in general. Sometimes Y/N wondered why she had chosen to study music at all, because it was inevitable that she would end up performing in front of people all her life.

Closing her eyes for a few seconds, she tried to calm herself down by repeating ‘you’ve come so far, you’ve grown so much, the nerves will be over in no time if you just relax’. Though she had come out of her shell a little when attending uni, her stage fright never seemed would truly ever go away no matter how hard she tried. She would always be an anxious person. Opening her eyes, she looked at calm Teresa who was already looking at Y/N, giving her that relaxed and encouraging smile she so often gave her. Good thing, Y/N thought, I’m doing this with Teresa.

The bartender - Glenda her name was – helped the girls set everything up. She asked loads of questions about their uni experience and which songs they planned on playing. An incredibly nice woman, Y/N thought to herself, smiling as Glenda told a joke Teresa found hilarious. The brown-haired woman, whose hair was greying at the roots, walked back behind the bar counter as someone else walked into the pub. Following the two older men was familiar faces, though, and Y/N’s smile broaden instantly.

“I’m your biggest fan!” Finn said a bit too loudly, running over to stand before the stage where Teresa and Y/N were. “Can I please have a picture?!”

“The cringiest man alive, innit?” Tiana rolled her eyes, but laughed once Finn rolled his eyes back at her. “How are you girls doing? Been rehearsing at all yet?”

“Not yet.” Teresa said. “Think we’re just going to jump straight into it, wouldn’t you say, Y/N?” She looked over at Y/N who nodded, biting her lips together.

“You’ll be amazing, Y/N.” Spencer smiled, giving her a wink before him and Ian walked over to the bar to get something to drink.

“Nothing to be scared about, yea?” Finn said. “Imagine you’re just the two of you rehearsing.”

Y/N nodded again, taking a deep breath.

“Where’s Annie?” Teresa asked Tiana.

“Went home to Linton earlier today, think she might’ve forgotten about you lot’s performance, to be honest. But don’t take it to heart.”

“You going home to Hawkley after this?” Finn asked Y/N as Teresa and Tiana started up their own conversation beside them.

Y/N nodded, crossing her arms over her chest. “My family will drive once my little brother is done college for the day.”

Finn smiled. “I’ve yet to meet that man, bet he’s a proper lad.”

“The best person I know.”

“Even better than me?” Finn furrowed his brows as if offended and placed both his hands on his chest.

Y/N laughed and so did he.

“Tough choosing between the two of you, not going to lie.” Y/N smiled, scratching at something on her shoulder blade. “You going Brighton after this then?”

“Nah,” Finn shook his head, showing his hands into his jean pockets. “I’ll go home tomorrow. Told mum I would stay another week at uni just to say goodbye to everyone and to the flat and stuff before we leave for the summer. Going to surprise her by just knocking on the door at home and startling her.”

“Startle her?”

“Yea.” Finn chuckled. “Going to either like jump out from the bush by the front door or scream in her face.”

“Oh my goodness.” Y/N said, making Finn laugh. “You’re the worst kind of son.”

“But she’s going to be happy to see me. Both my mums would forgive me for scaring the living shit out of them.”

Y/N nodded. “’Both your mums’?” She realised that it was probably a weird thing to focus on, him saying that, because his parents might be divorced, and she might’ve poured some salt on unhealed wounds.

“Got two mums.” Finn explained, smiling proudly. “Dad died when I was very young, and mum found the second love of her life in someone else. Been raised by them two ever since.”

Y/N smiled, hearing Finn talk to highly of all his three parents calming her nerves for her performance and making her focus on something else entirely.

“You’ve got to meet them, they’re the loveliest people you’ll ever talk to.”

“Then you’ve got to come camping in Hawkley, right by the lake on the outside of my parents’ property.-“

“-Shut up, Y/N, that would be fucking sick.” Finn grinned. “Boys, you heard that?” Finn nudged Tiana, both her and Teresa looking at him. “Y/N suggested we camp together. Sounds like a sound time?”

“Oh, my God, yes!” Tiana gasped, beaming. “Could we sit in that boat on your lake then?”

“Sure.”

“I’m so excited already!”

“Could do a small tour then.” Finn suggested, looking back at Y/N. “Camp at yours for a few days, then take the train to Brighton, then back up to London.”

“What about Bath?” Tiana asked, furrowing her brows at Finn. “What about my hometown?”

“We going to visit everyone’s hometowns, you mean? Will be a bit of a trek travelling all the way up north to Manchester for Harry, won’t it?”

And just as his name was mentioned and the two of them started discussing all of this, the door into The Junction opened again. Wade walked first, Sai following right on his heels and Harry last. Wade looked over his shoulder to talk to his two mates, making Sai laugh at something as the two of them walked toward Finn by the stage. Harry was quiet however, only the slightest smile on his face as he caught Y/N’s eye. As he strolled toward her, Y/N took this time to study all of him, something she rarely let herself do as it would only boost his already enormous ego. He was wearing a black tee shirt tucked into black trousers, his infamous chain hanging from the free belt hoops. His trainers were stark white, standing in huge contrast to the rest of his outfit and his black leather satchel, the strap hanging on his left shoulder, draping over his chest till it rested on his hip. He always dressed so incredibly well, all his clothes looking expensive and luxurious. Made Y/N wonder about his parents and how much money he grew up with, because it had obviously been a very rich household.

Y/N looked down at her own outfit, feeling like she hadn’t dressed up for this at all. A mustard button up mini skirt reaching mid-thigh and wrapping around her hip, white milkmaid top tucked into it, and her white Vans. She had a grey cardigan as well, but it was resting on top the violin case behind her, she didn’t see the point in wearing it as she was already sweating heaps at the thought of performing. It was an incredibly warm day in April, and though it had been quite windy on the walk here, the sun was still warm on Y/N’s skin the whole way. Teresa was wearing an orange crop top with blue jeans, and the whole gang seemed to be dressed for summer as all the long sleeves were gone, bare skin on display for the sun to do its work. The sun shone in through the window of The Junction, lighting up the already dark interior.

“Finnster.” Sai said, placing both his hands on Finn’s shoulders. “Looking bloody dashing as ever.”

“Was wondering if my bum looked good in these jeans.” Finn looked over his shoulder, attempting to get a good look at his arse. “If I attracted your attention, I would assume it did.”

Sai howled with laughter while Finn greeted both Harry and Wave with some weird handshake-hug all men seemed to do when they met their mates. As soon as Harry had said his hello to Finn, he glanced back at Y/N, the conversation between the rest already going. Spencer and Ian finally walked over to the gang, hugging the new arrivals, but Harry didn’t even seem to notice them. He smiled up at Y/N, resting one of his hands on the strap by his chest.

“Hi.” He said, voice as soft as velvet.

Y/N smiled back. “Hi.”

“Alright?”

“Nervous, you?”

Harry let out a small chuckle. “About performing?”

Y/N nodded, letting her arms fall to her sides. “Never really done it in front of an audience like this before, don’t know how people are going to react or if they’ll even listen at all.”

“You’re scared people won’t listen?” Harry raised his eyebrows, not mockingly but out of pure curiosity.

Y/N chuckled a little at herself. “Isn’t it weird?” She asked. “I’m both scared people won’t listen to me because I’ve been preparing for this for weeks, but also terrified that people will.”

“It’s not weird.” Harry shook his head twice. “You’re just nervous about first time performing at a pub. Normal to be a bit disoriented and out of it when it’s your first time doing anything.”

“Think so?”

“Yea.” Harry smiled again. “Wouldn’t be fun if everything you ever did didn’t make you at least a little uncomfortable at first. What’s life without a little challenge, yea?”

“Can’t say I agree. Don’t really like challenging myself.”

Harry laughed. “Well, enjoy challenging yourself today when you perform.”

Y/N ran both hands through her hair, smiling a little at Harry. “I won’t enjoy it the least bit at first, but hopefully I’ll ease into it at some point.”

“That’s my girl.”

Y/N’s heart did a loop and stopped for a second before she regained consciousness, staring into Harry’s green eyes that she ever got tired of studying the shade of. That’s my girl. Y/N swallowed, the tips of her fingers tingling to touch him. She yearned to feel his torso under her fingertips as she had done in the study room weeks ago. Longed for him so close to her that they mingled into one, floating together into a universe neither of them knew the name of but loved all the same. Missed his lips, even though they had only kissed once. It felt so overwhelming and weird for Y/N to want someone this bad, but it was impossible for her to even try to stop herself from admitting just how completely Harry had gotten to her.

“Y/N-“ Harry started, but was quickly interrupted by Sai.

“-Mate, you owe me a pint from last weekend. I’m thirsty.”

“Fine.” Harry said, giving Y/N one last glance before he walked over to the bar with Sai who clapped his hands together, ready to pick out the beer he wanted.

“It’s time.” Teresa said, and Y/N noticed for the first time in a while that the pub had started to fill up quite a bit. It was 6pm now, people were either at home eating dinner or on their way out for a drink with their friends. Y/N turned around and got the violin out of its case, placing it on her shoulder. Behind Teresa stood Y/N’s note stand, and she glued her eyes to the notes she had learned by heart over the last few weeks. Just to make sure she knew all of them and that she wouldn’t screw everything up. She noticed her hands shaking and sweat forming by the edge of her hairline and cupid brow.

“Hey,” Teresa whispered, the others having gone to sit down in one of the booths by the windows nearby. “It’s going to be okay, yea? You’re okay.”

Y/N nodded. And bringing her bow up to her violin, she started playing Stubborn Love by The Lumineers. Her eyes instantly fell closed, she was not for the life of her going to see anyone’s expressions as she played. She knew Teresa was watching her and probably the rest of her gang as well, and even though Y/N knew they would mean no harm and would most likely be impressed, she couldn’t help thinking they would be underwhelmed.

“She’ll lie and steal and cheat, and beg you from her knees, make you think she means it this time.” Teresa sang, voice as graceful as ever. “She’ll tear a hole in you, the on you can’t repair. But I still love her, I don’t really care.”

With her eyes closed, it was easy for Y/N to escape her body and The Junction and all the eyes on her as she created music. Suddenly she was floating along the notes on the paper she knew was right there if she dared open her eyes; she was flying along with the waves of emotion music could manifest. Undoubtably swaying along with the music, Y/N almost felt herself smiling. It was so liberating to create temporary art; art that wasn’t there to be seen, but to be heard, felt, and experienced. The nervousness she had felt earlier died down a little as they finished the song and the entire bar erupted into applause and hoots and whistles. Y/N opened her eyes and looked over at Teresa who was already beaming at her. She smiled as well.

“Thank you.” Teresa said into the microphone. “This next song is Blackbird by The Beatles.”

The two shared a few seconds looking at each other to make sure both were ready. Y/N started playing the second song of their set, closing her eyes this time as well. Teresa sang her heart out and Y/N played to the same effect. The two girls worked well together, knowing each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and it was clear that they understood each other as musicians as well as people. Never did Y/N open her eyes, but after a month and more just practising these songs every day and knowing them well, she didn’t really have to. Once she remembered a music sheet, she’d remembered it till the day she died. They were soon halfway through their set which meant they’d get a break. As she lowered her violin when they were done, the whole bar clapping once again, Y/N heard the door into the pub creak open but didn’t pay it much attention. Hunching down to put the violin back into its case, she turned back around to an older man standing by the booth her friends were sitting in. Teresa was getting her purse so she could buy something to eat and drink, but Y/N couldn’t move as she watched Harry get up from his corner seat.

The older man’s hair was a dark shade of grey, wearing a blue business suit and carrying a folder of sorts. He looked serious, turning around as Harry stood so he could walk outside. Harry followed, not even sparing Y/N or the rest of the group a second glance. He seemed tense, shoulders set higher than they usually were and his hands in the pockets of his black trousers. Y/N felt a weird sense of something being wrong. Very wrong. Harry and the man stopped outside the front of the pub, and through the right side windows, Y/N could see the man talking to Harry in a tone Y/N knew she didn’t like.

“Ready for a bite, Y/N?” Teresa asked, but once she saw Y/N staring out the window at Harry she abruptly stopped. “What’s up? Who’s that?”

Y/N shook her head. “Don’t know.”

They both watched as the older man gave the folder over to Harry who opened it discreetly, looking inside at its contents. Y/N couldn’t see Harry’s facial expressions, only the back of his head, and it was near killing her because her curiosity was about to get the better of her. Getting her cardigan and putting it on, she walked over to her mates, Teresa following close behind.

“You are amazing!” Finn grinned. “Let me buy you both a cocktail, yea?”

“Whose Harry talking to?” Y/N asked, motioning with her thumb over her shoulder.

“His dad.” Sai said, gripping at his slight beard. “Weird bloke.”

Y/N frowned a little, crossing her arms again.

“If you want to find out for yourself what’s going on, Harry has my wallet in his purse.” Finn said, pointing towards the door.

“It’s called a satchel, not a purse.” Tiana corrected, making Finn repeat her only in an exaggerated high-pitched voice.

“Want to go out there or not? Want me to?” Finn raised his eyebrows at Y/N, and though she would never do this usually, the whole situation didn’t sit right with her and she needed to know what was going on. So, nodding her head at Finn, Y/N turned around and walked toward the door of the pub. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to find out or if her feeling weird about all of this was even correct. What if it was all innocent and his dad had just come here to show him something? What if he was there for another reason that wasn’t sketchy at all? Maybe Y/N was just overthinking everything as she usually was? What if she was and her questioning Harry’s father’s intentions would cause Harry to doubt what he had with her? Y/N didn’t know what logic was as she stepped toward the door, placing her hand to it and pushing it open. She didn’t hear anything distinct at first, the trailer driving by muffling out most noise around her. But as it was driving away, a quieter street was left in its wake. And Y/N could finally hear what they were talking about.

“…just saying it- showing you this, because I want you to be aware.”

“And you don’t need to make me aware of anything.” Harry answered his dad in such a vicious tone it almost made Y/N wince. Slowly she stepped out into the street, looking over at Harry and his dad who were staring daggers at each other.

“I won’t throw these papers away. They hold-“

Harry’s dad stopped speaking once the door closed beside Y/N and his eyes landed on her. The seconds that followed when he looked her over and slowly glanced back at his son; the seconds Y/N thought somehow turned into hours.

“Y/N Rose Picot is here for you, Harry.” He said. “I will leave you to it.”

Without even sparing Y/N another glance, Harry’s dad turned on his heels and walked away, his back to them. Harry whipped around, wide eyes landing on Y/N and once he saw her, he instantly eased. The anger Y/N saw somewhere in his green irises evaporated, and he let go of a deep sigh.

“Harry,” Y/N said, palms sweaty as she balled them into fists by her side. “What’s going on?”

Harry shook his head. “Nothing, dad is just intense. Don’t worry about it.”

“He knew who I was.”

Harry stopped a little, as if he only just realised that his dad had said her full name. First, middle, and surname. “He’s just good with faces. He knows my friends from Facebook profile pictures.”

Y/N didn’t have a profile picture on Facebook.

“Does your father know who I am, Harry?” Y/N’s heart was beating so fast it was a wonder she was even standing by this point.

“He knows a lot of people, Y/N. Let’s go inside-“

“-Why does he know me?”

Harry frowned. “He keeps track of all my friends, that’s just the way he is. He’s a little fucked up, what do you want me to fucking say?”

Y/N frowned back, taking a step back from Harry. “Keeps track of your friends…?”

Harry just stared at Y/N, lips parted as if he knew what he had just said sounded not only shady, but incredibly messed up and not at all good in any way. Y/N took another step away from him, swallowing to maintain the calm she had kept up for so long. She didn’t know how she was going to make it through the second half of her and Teresa’s set because she couldn’t stop shaking.

“Like… if they’re good for you?”

“Y/N, there really is no use arguing about this.” Harry said, walking toward her, but she only walked away from him. Harry stopped, hurt crossing his face.

“Then tell me what this was all about and I’ll stop pressing you for information about it.”

Harry groaned, running a hand through his hair and completely messing it up. “I fucking won’t because it meant nothing.”

“Your father knows who I am!” Y/N was aware she was shouting; aware people were watching them from both inside the pub and from everywhere on the street. “And I’ve never met him before! Of course it means something!”

Harry fell quiet, only looking at Y/N in complete shock. She had never raised her voice about anything before, and hearing her be mad at him, upset about something he did, seemed to make everything about him freeze. Y/N completely forgot about Finn’s wallet as she walked inside and straight for the bar. Teresa and Tiana were quick to come over, both looking absolutely horrified. They stood on either side of Y/N, Tiana’s arm around her waist and Teresa holding her hand. Never had anyone seen Y/N this mad or shaken up because it rarely happened. Y/N didn’t get this upset about much, she was usually very good at hiding what she was thinking and feeling, but this had taken her so off guard that it was impossible for her not to have a reaction to all of this.

“Y/N.”

It was Harry. And Y/N didn’t even want to turn around to look at him.

“Y/N-“

“-Make him leave.” Y/N mumbled, only Tiana hearing it as she rested her chin on Y/N’s shoulder.

“Harry, you need to go.” Tiana said, voice soft as she didn’t yet know what had transpired between him and Y/N. Y/N didn’t know the look on Harry’s face as he walked over to the booth and gave Finn’s his wallet back. Didn’t know what he said to them when they asked what had happened. Didn’t know if he even looked back once he left the pub, on his way god knows where for a reason Y/N could never guess, she assumed. Both Teresa and Tiana asked what was going on, what Harry had said and why his father had been here. But Y/N only shook her head, defeated and confused and hurt. She closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath, trying to calm herself down enough to eat a proper meal and finish the set. Though she didn’t know how she was going to do that when what had just happened, Harry’s dad, and Harry, were all she could think about.

“Careful.” Allison said, voice stern as Edward walked up the small step and into Y/N’s university flat.

“Mum, I’ve used crutches before. I know how to use them.” He looked over at Y/N and rolled his eyes, only making Y/N smile back.

“Fully aware of that, honey, but I’m still scared you’ll fall over.”

“Does it look like I’m falling over?” Edward asked, making his way through the second door and into the downstairs corridor. Walking to his left and toward the open door into Y/N’s room, Y/N could make out a smile on her brother’s face. Most bags and suitcases were in the car already, only a single bag left that Y/N would be taking on her back after this. Edward stopped in the doorway, looking around first, trying to take it all in, Y/N supposed. Her brother walked further in on his crutches, limping as he did so, though he always did that because he leaned most of his body weight on his crutches. Edward had learned how to walk on crutches when he was 10, and had mastered it throughout the years. Though his parents rarely let him walk on crutches as they didn’t want him to fall and hurt. Everyone followed right after Edward, letting him look around the room Y/N had lived in for her first year at university. He walked over to her chair and sat down, groaning as he came in contact with the chair. Smiling, he glanced around the room and looked at her pinboard where she had hung his paintings and pictures of the two of them together. He stared at the bed she had laid in most times they had FaceTimed, and the mirror where she would send him a goodnight Snap with toothpaste foaming around her mouth.

“This is how you saw your flat when you first moved in, when you were sad I didn’t get to see your room.” Edward mused, looking over at Y/N sitting on the bare bed. “And now I get to see it like you first saw it.”

Y/N smiled, leaning over and taking her brother’s hand in hers, kissing it before just holding it and looking around. Their parents smiled at them and Allison brought her phone out, snapping a picture of the two in Y/N’s empty dorm room one first and last time. They had asked how the performance had gone when they picked her up by Clapham Junction, and Y/N had given them the simple answer, which was to not elaborate on the situation with Harry and everything in between. So she told them it had gone well, and gave them all a rundown of the songs she had played and Edward made her promise to play him some when they reached Hawkley that same evening. Y/N had smiled at him and nodded.

She lost herself in thoughts of Hawkley. Of the endless fields where endless possibilities awaited; in her boat by the lake when the sun would beam down on her and a book in hand, music playing from her phone; pushing Edward on the paths through the forest around their property and having the best time ever. She had missed her home, missed being in the country and not in the biggest city in the United Kingdom. It would be good for her to relax without the constant buzz around her, pressure from uni, and everything else in between. Sure, she would miss London to some extent, but right now she’d much rather be in Hawkley with her family. Where she belonged and would always belong. Where there was no Harry and no trace of what had happened at The Junction.

Y/N bit her lip together, not allowing herself to even think of Harry until she was safe at home in her room, about to go to bed, when she could cry for hours.

“Want me to take that bag for you, poppet?” George asked, pointing at the last bag on her bed.

“No, that’s quite alright, dad, I’ll take that one myself.” Y/N said, giving her father a smile as he helped Edward into a standing position. Her little brother had been so eager to see her room, and that was the whole point of bringing crutches and even being in here one last time. Y/N watched as Edward made his way out of her first home away from home, made sure everything was alright before she got to her feet and put the bag on her back. Placing the chair by her desk, leaning over to close her window one last time, and hunching down to get her doorstop from under the door, Y/N finally stood in her doorway by herself. She looked at her room, feeling a lump form in her throat again as she knew this would be the last time she’d have the chance to look at it and be here. Never would she tread into flat 34 of Westbridge Halls again. Never would she live with all these amazing people and complain about the mould in the kitchen again. Never would she play her violin in this room or write an essay by her desk.

She knew she would be happy in her new house next year, knew there was nothing to be sappy about. But Y/N hated change. More so, hated leaving something behind that she had much liked having around. So, inhaling deeply, allowing herself to smile as she looked at room 3 of flat 34 one last time, she stepped into the corridor, let the door fall shut, and locked it for the very last time.

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